Online shopping with WTs and the funny thing about tissues

I thought I might get some online shopping done while the WTs (wonder twins for you newbies) were still conscious.  The three OS (older siblings for those of you have forgotten) were with the dad.  I know you’re all saying, “Are you kidding? You thought you’d get something done with the WTs  at full power?”  Yeah well, I was in my happy place when I had the idea…a little state I call DENIAL. 

 First off, let me say that it would have gone a lot more smoothly if my online shopping experience hadn’t been like an Abbott and Costello “Who’s on First?”  routine.  To the shopping cart, back to the homepage, to the shopping cart, etc.

 I thought I was off to a good start – twins were fed and watered and well rested, toys enough to rival FAO Shwartz.  What more could they want?

 I stationed myself with the laptop at the kitchen table so I’d be close to whatever action would transpire.  The first action took place right where I was.  One little hand reached up to grab a full cup of water that one of the OS had left behind.  There it went, spilling on the table (thankfully away from the laptop) and cascading onto the floor (okay that was a wee bit dramatic…maybe it just ran down onto the floor), forming a nice little puddle in which the WTs could stomp.  As I cleaned up the water spill, one of the WTs got a hold of a box of goldfish and did a gravity experiment.  Hmm, if I hold the box upside down and shake really hard (even harder when I see my mom lunging for me) it rains goldfish!

With the goldfish and the water cleaned up, I resumed my date with Amazon.  The WTs had wandered into the other room which I thought was great.  It was lovely, it was so quiet and…wait a minute, why is it quiet???? When I went to investigate, I saw the two of them tearing through Daniel’s school box.  It had all the contraband items: pencils, crayons, scissors, etc.  I could see that Micah had already been hard at work on his wall of many colors.  Oh, have I not blogged about that yet? Oh yeah, I only blog about once a year!  You see, Micah has this magical ability to find any writing implements, particularly markers, that have been left behind.  As soon as we think we have removed all the markers from his reach, he finds a rogue marker.  Fulfilling his creative desires, he goes to one spot on one wall and makes lines with said marker.  Sometimes the marker can be removed (though I discovered that even washable markers make the paint come off when you clean the markings), other times it cannot.  This time he did not use a marker, but branched out into another medium: pencil sketching.

 I picked up the items from Daniel’s box (with the WTs help, they enjoy picking things up almost as much as dumping things out) and went back to the laptop.  The WTs would wander through, and I would just make a mental note of where they were.  I glanced up one time to see Kara walking around with no pants.  When I found her pants it was a signal to Kara that a game was afoot.  She shrieked with laughter at the sight of me with her pants and tore off in the opposite direction.  Believe you me, this is not the same child who just months ago had the drunken sailor walk.  She takes off at warp speed when she is being pursued.

 Okay, children are fully clothed, back to the computer.  I was making good headway and must have been concentrating a bit too hard on what I was doing.  I knew the WTs were in the family room and that they were having a grand time doing something.  Like silence, the eruption of giggles is also like a warning siren.  I glanced up from the computer to watch the WTs orchestrate a new gymnastic maneuver.  They would climb onto an end table, flip over onto the couch, run across the couch and roll off in an impressive dismount.  There are times in which I wish I could pretend I did not see things, this was one of them.  But it is my job to be a killjoy, so I put their acrobatic careers on hold.

 After all that exercise, the WTs wanted a snack.  They love to sit at the kitchen table on the “big chairs”, which they are allowed to do from time to time.  Since they were just having a snack, I sat each one in a chair with a cup of, well, goldfish.  Each was grinning from ear to ear and seemed very content.  Micah began to scan the table and spotted a ziplock bag of cereal.  He grabbed it and began to shake it.  I wasn’t too concerned; the bag was sealed after all.  Well, don’t you know, a well sealed bag is a lot like a balloon.  If you squeeze it really hard, it pops.  And when this bag popped, it rained cereal.  This of course thrilled the WTs who instantly went to work speading the cereal crumbs (the cereal became crumbs after all that shaking) as far and wide as they could.  I sighed, closed the laptop, cleaned the spill, and sat down with a WT on each leg and read books.  I can’t prove it, but that might have just been their plan all along.

 On a different subject, I made a discovery about tissues (Kleenex for those of you into name brands).  I walked in on the WTs one day to find Kara in a sea of tissues.  She looked rather angelic, as though she were sitting on a fluffy cloud.  As always, once the WTs see me, they know the jig is up and will go into high gear.  Kara began furiously ripping the tissue to shreds.  Micah was standing on the couch and began to throw tissues behind the couch, presumably to hide the evidence.  As I approached him, he clambered down, grabbed two fistfuls of tissue and ran down the hall looking like he was shaking tissue pom-poms.  When I gathered all that remained intact, I made my discovery: tissues expand when exposed to air.  Do you know how I know? When I tried to put the tissue back into the box, it wouldn’t all fit!  I could only conclude that when they are taken out of the box they interact with the air and puff out.  Just tell everyone you heard it here first.

 Now on a more “serious” note, people often ask me how Kara is doing with her language.  She is doing wonderfully.  I would list out all the words she knows, but they are too numerous at this point.  She is very good at copying what you say and likes to try out new words.  Her newest acquisition is “a-tood.”  Her brother was having a bad attitude and I told her so as he sat in the corner.  She’d point at him and say “a-tood.”  Somehow I doubt she’ll use that one on herself.

 Happy New Year all!  

 

 

Future Olympic events?

Here are some fun games the WTs play that might become an Olympic sport someday.  I think they rank right up there with curling. 

Diaper Fling – Take diapers out of the drawer (clean ones) and fling them as fast and as far as you can before getting caught.

 Tupperware Toss- Similar to diaper fling, only done with Tupperware lids, or bowls (which are not as easily airborne).

 The Hover- As your twin is getting a diaper change, hover your foot over his/her head to see how much you can irritate him/her.

 Hide and Seek – (WTs have achieved expert status at this one) Hide items from family members by putting items in strange places (ex: remote control in Duplo blocks, CD in drawer with measuring cups, another remote at the bottom of a laundry basket, etc.).

 Shoe Shenanigans – Take shoes from various members of the family.  Wear them around the house.  Make sure that when it is time to leave the house, no family member can find a matching pair of shoes.

 Screaming Game – (Best done in small spaces such as the car) Take turns screaming, trying to be louder than the other person.  When people try and “shush” you, get louder and then laugh heartily.

 Playing Innocent – When Mom is out of the room, open the doors to the Forbidden Pantry.  When Mom comes to investigate, close doors very quickly, put backs against the door.  When Mom walks in, put on your best cheesy grin and look at each other with knowing looks.

 Lock Out (or In) – Since it is much easier to pull doors shut than open them, make sure your WT is on the side of the door that enables you to lock them out or in.  Pull the door shut with the WT on the other side of it.  Make sure to say “Bye-bye” and then walk away.

 Cereal Stomp – Ask for cereal for a snack by walking over to the Forbidden Pantry (FP) and pointing.  Say in your sweetest voice, “See-oh” which your family understands is “cereal.”  As they put some on the coffee table, make sure to eat some to lull them into a false sense of security.  Ask for more.  When the five enforcers in your family are out of sight, sweep all the cereal onto the carpet, stomp on the cereal and enjoy the crunching noise it makes.  When your mom comes in and asks what happened, look down on the carpet, and put your hands behind your back as you examine the floor.  Exclaim, “Uh oh, mess!” as though you have no idea how the crumbs got onto the carpet.

 Distract ‘n Dash – This activity requires a partner.  One of you go into the school room and dump out something that makes noise (to attract attention) and has lots of pieces to it (big box of paper clips, big box of crayons, etc.).  While family members are helping to pick up the mess, have your partner quietly go to the kitchen.  Have him/her dump something edible on the floor (box of cereal, bonus items are containers of chocolate chips or bags of Muddy Buddies).  Run into the kitchen and consume as much as you can before it gets all cleaned up.

 Breach the Barricade – Work together to find the weak links in any barricade that is put up which keeps you away from really great and fun stuff.  See it as a challenge when barricades are put up.  Think that your parents must be encouraging you to use your skills of logic, reason, and brute force to get around, over, or through the barricades.  You are in a homeschooling family, everything is a learning activity.  Use things like play shopping carts to climb into.  This gives you height so you can catapult yourself over barricades.  Once you are on the other side of the barricade, be very quiet.  Of course, the silence does sometimes arouse suspicion.  It’s a calculated risk.

 Crayon Crunch – Any chance you get to get a hold of crayons, take the opportunity to bite the tips off.  Goal: to get as many different colors in your teeth as possible.

 Hug-A-Thon- At a time that is very inconvenient for everyone (like when everyone has just sat down to eat), hold out your arms to a targeted family member and look really cute.  It is a guarantee that the person will get up to give you a hug.  Target another family member.  Make your way around the table, multiple times even.  Okay, in this game, I guess everyone wins. J

 Quote of the Day (from Gabriel in response to my comment that Micah says “pich” for “chips” just like one or more of his siblings did): “Well, the DNA is spreading!”

 To add to my list of things I don’t like to hear: “Uh, Mom? Did Kara have chocolate? She looks like she has some on her hands.” (She had not had chocolate.  You can figure out the rest).

 My new strategy for blogging-more often, less content.  We'll see. :)

Random thoughts and a top 10 list

I could never make money as a blogger.  I keep meaning to update, but time just keeps escaping.  Kara has been home with us for two months now and it is amazing how well she is doing.  If I were left in China by myself, I am sure I would still be saying “Ting bu dong’ two months later!

 

Kara continues to add words to her vocabulary and it is very fun to hear her voice.  When she walks out of a room you are in she will say “Bye bye” and wave, only to reappear soon thereafter.

 

If Kara were an animal she would be a goat.  She eats anything and will butt others (okay just Micah) out of the way when she is grazing, uh I mean eating.  If I put some Cheerios on the coffee table I always spread them out so they can be reached from various angles.  Kara’s favorite angle is the one that has Micah in it.  She reaches for the “Os” in front of him and will do this impressive maneuver with her skinny little hip that sends our little Michelin man running around the table to the opposite side.  And of course she will go to that side to repeat the action.

 

Kara and Micah both love to dance (so do the two oldest, but it’s more like interpretive dance which seems to include a lot of jumping and running maniacally around).  Micah kind of gently bounces and will sometimes go from side to side.  Kara basically does a series of squats.  Sometimes the arms get involved and she used to do a move we called the “ax chop.”  She'd take one arm and use it to chop imaginary wood.  After watching his daughter dance for a while, James commented, “And I thought white people had no rhythm.”

 

I kid you not, there are days that I really wish my kids did not act their ages.

 

The cleanest spot in the house hands down is in the downstairs bathroom.  Kara got to the soap dispenser and managed to dump the contents of it onto the carpet.  It’s a lot of work to get large amounts of soap out of the carpet.  Thank you Lord for the wet van we bought BC (before children).  I thought the price was outrageous then, now I can’t believe what a bargain it was.

 

Having “twins” makes you ambidextrous.  When it’s just me and I’m not having the kids help with feeding, I put a twin on either side of me and sometimes feed them simultaneously.  I’m thinking of entering “America’s Got Talent.” 

 

My oldest son was walking around with my tennis shoes on…and they fit him perfectly.

 

Here’s a top 10 list:

 

Top 10 things you do not like to hear when you have Wets

 

10.  The phone being dialed when all responsible people are present and accounted for

9.     The sound of something falling to the floor that contains many many pieces

8.     Water being splashed on the kitchen floor and then being played with

7.     “Mom, look who got to the Dragon plant” (the perpetrator was walking around with an empty pot, the carpet was holding the former contents)

6.    “One of the twins is toxic!”

5.    Piano keys being played by chubby little sausage toes attached to feet which are standing on the piano

4.   Water splashing inside the toilet being treated like a play water table

3.   The phrase “uh oh” being uttered by one of the WTs

2.  “Look Mom! Kara looks like a Christmas tree.  She’s decorating her hair with her food!”

1.  The number one things you do not want to hear when you have WTs…………

            Silence!!!!!! (because other sounds will follow!)

 

 

 

 

 

The city of lost things

This came to me while I was making dinner...and wondering where our digital camera is...enjoy.

I am looking for the city
The city of lost things
That houses all the items
Each wayward toddler brings

I know it must be far away
Because I've searched for it in vain
Each attempt to find this distant land
Has left me a little bit less sane

I imagine that the welcome sign
Reads a little bit like this,
"All important things are welcome here
things the parents are sure to miss."

Here the bill frolics with the keys
And the shoe and the remote play
The digital camera dines with the watch
And the checkbook sings the night away

I fear I will never see this land
For when is passed the toddler stage
And things continue to disappear
I'll have to blame it on my old age!

Taking inventory

What, two posts in a week????

Here's inventory of today, uh, well, technically yesterday, taken before 10am.

Hot breakfasts served (if you want the recipe for baked french toast let me know, yum) (5)

Cups of milk turned upside down to be swished around on the highchair tray (1)

Diapers changed (two of which were super duper toxic) (4)

Plastic cups and other assorted Tupperware items being flung onto the kitchen floor creating a hazardous situation for the person getting breakfast on the table (8-20 just an estimate)

Pantry invasions by marauding band of toddlers (3)

Puzzles dumped out and spread all over the floor (13)

Pieces of puzzles to be picked up (lots and lots)

Transgressive acts needing disciplinary action (ooo, forgot to count that one, lots and lots)

Interruptions of devotions and school reading (legion)

Bowls of soggy cereal made soggy because the person who poured the milk in got completely sidetracked and forgot that the bowl of cereal was supposed to be eaten before 1pm (1)

Confiscated items such as pencils or vacuum cleaner attachments used to whack twin sisters (3)

Plates once full of food rubbed on heads (2)

Heads needing to be washed of the chunks embedded in hair (2)

Minutes before naptime (60, and counting down!!!)

The breakfast that wasn't

I could never make a living being a blogger.  Here for your enjoyment:

The breakfast that wasn’t

 I was going to title this the “Quest for breakfast” to be a sequel to my “Quest for dinner,” but this was really a different experience.  Breakfast wasn’t my elusive goal, it just ceased to be.

 I don’t try to miss breakfast as I know it is a big no-no if you ever are trying to lose weight.  I’m always trying to lose weight since, it’s the craziest thing, I keep finding it behind me!

 The morning routine is usually: work out, get the twins, make breakfast for the kids, do devotions and start school while the kids eat.  Then I eat breakfast…usually.  The particular morning in question  there was a glitch in the system.  First of all the twins got up way too early and my 45 minute workout took 1 ½ hours.  They tried to help me get into shape by adding 40 + pounds while I did floor work.  One sat on my neck and the other sat on my stomach.

 Being a Saturday it wasn’t that big a deal, but by the end of the 1 ½ hours the WTs were howling with hunger.  To appease them, I put some small cups of cereal on the coffee table.  Not missing a beat, Kara quickly dumped both and became amazingly ambidextrous as she began to shovel cereal into her mouth with both hands.  Micah uttered something that sounded a lot like “Hey!”  Skipping the cups, I spread cereal on the table like chicken feed.  Apparently the spreading of the cereal looked really fun as the WTs decided to partake in that activity.  Lots of cereal on the floor.  That’s okay, I decide, I can pick that up later.

 Pancakes were for breakfast (from scratch, thank you very much).  I mixed in a little bit of insanity as I added mini chocolate chips as a treat.  Pancakes can take a long time to make, especially when your legs are covered with 20 + pound weights that are taking swipes at each other.  One weight disengages and relative peace reigns until I hear the squeak of the media cabinet open.  I glance up to see DVDs cascading out of the cabinet.  The WTs think those are cool books that have removable Frisbees inside of them. 

 Breakfast finally gets on the table; everyone (sans Mom) is eating.  I do our devotions and realize that I really should unload the dishwasher while my “helpers” are eating.  The WTs enjoy unloading the dishwasher, only sometimes the dishes are dirty.  Micah gets kind of bossy when he’s helping.  The WTs are allowed to take out the plastic plates.  For each plate he removes, Micah has to alert me with a “MOM!” and sometimes in rapid succession, “MOM! MOM!”  Sounds cute, huh? Uh huh.

 I don’t get far before WT2 (Micah) is frantically waving his hands back and forth signing that he is finished.  Without the security of confinement gone,  I figure I should go ahead and eat my breakfast .  One of the 3 OOs (older ones) announces that Kara is finished too.  I look over at Kara and two things enter my mind: 1) she is not genetically related to me as she does not care much for chocolate and so has not eaten much of her mini chip pancakes, and 2) instead of eating them, she has decided to decorate her head with them.  Not only that, but she began a game of “peek-a-boo” which only enhanced her handiwork.

 WT1 is quite pleased with her artwork and is beaming at me while I unbuckle her and scoop her out of her chair.  Immediately I discover she has scored a direct hit.  No warning, no hints, nary a clue.  For the sake of the weak stomached I’ll make this brief.  She has had the “blowout of the century.”  Let’s just say that her top (with the mini-chip pancake décor) and bottom matched.

 I head for the bathroom and sound the general alarm.  It’s all hands on deck for this one.  “Charis, get her some new clothes.” “Gabriel, get the baby soap,” “Daniel, get a washcloth and towel.”  Now apparently my eldest is “towel challenged” as I get this response, “So a washcloth and what kind of towel?”  “A towel to wipe off Kara, I’m giving her a bath.”  “So you need a hand towel?”  “No, a bath towel, I’m giving her a bath.”  As I am having this conversation with my eldest who is upstairs, I am talking irrationally to Kara.  I say things like, “Please don’t sit down.”  “No, don’t touch.”  At the same time, Gabriel walks in with Micah to show me that they are “hat twins” as both are wearing hats.  Cute, but now Micah is fighting to get down as he sees that Kara is doing something that involves being naked and water.  Now I’m trying to get Micah out and keep Kara in.  Charis comes with clothes that are a bit small for Kara, and Daniel comes in with a washcloth…and a hand towel. 

 The laundry is mounting at this point as more towels are needed to wipe the floor from tsunami Kara.  And there are her clothes which I considered burning at this point.  

 Just as I am finishing with her there is a knock on the door.  It’s neighbor Joe to borrow the lawnmower so he can mow our common strip of lawn.  We like neighbor Joe so I slip outside briefly to chat with him.  A loud thump comes from inside the house.  I excuse myself to investigate and am relieved that the WTs  must have just slammed the shoe bench.  They are now standing on the shoe bench playing “strobe light” as they can reach the light switches.

 With all the kids done eating, the 3 OOs are ready to do their Saturday chores (I win the “mean mom” award as my kids have no knowledge of Saturday morning cartoons, instead they do extra chores).  One of the chores is vacuuming.  Ah, now it is later and the cereal must be picked up (it could be vacuumed, but Hoover Kara will make good use of the cereal later).  Cereal and many toys are picked up.  I go into the kitchen and pour myself a bowl of cereal at last.  The vacuum cleaner gets turned on and Kara comes careening around the corner.  Oh yes, that’s right, she is scared of the vacuum cleaner.  That’s okay; I can try to eat one-handed.  That plan is thwarted as Micah runs over and pleads, “Too? Too?” (as in, “Hold me too?”).  I pick him up (I think I heard my back groan) and take the two of them into the other room.

 With one room finished, I note that it is now nap time (theirs not mine, much to my disappointment).  I change both diapers (uneventful, thankfully) and take Kara up first.  As I come down I see Micah walking away and notice a spot of something that looks like chocolate on the back of his shirt.  I do the smell test.  The smell test fails.  More laundry.

 I change Micah and put him down for a nap.  Since I am already upstairs I figure I might as well collect more laundry and do a load.  I also might as well take my shower.  As for breakfast, why eat breakfast and ruin my appetite for lunch?  Which will come…hopefully…

The empress and the tyrant broker peace deal

I think I found the key to world peace which incidentally is also the world’s most perfect breakfast food: chocolate cheerios. I gave the WTs some CCs as a snack, and put them in opposite corners of the room per my usual strategy. As usual, the earth’s magnetic pull caused them to once again occupy the same square foot of space. I kept a sharp eye on them in case I saw any vampiric (don’t know if that’s a word) tendencies emerging. I was thrilled to see them enjoying each other’s company. It began raining CCs and pretty soon the kitchen floor was covered. Micah began a great game of balancing cheerios on his sister’s head. She didn’t’ seem to mind at all, even when Micah began whacking them off. He thought it was hilarious (I think it was most funny to him when he missed). I got a little concerned when the whacking intensified, but Kara kept laughing. After a while at this game, they both started walking around the kitchen looking like they had some kind of pox with all the cheerios attached to their persons.

I think someone installed a revolving door in place of our front door. One day I had dropped the 3oos off at piano lessons and came home with the WTs. Here was my fundamental flaw: I let them loose. I unlocked the door and corralled one in. Ah, ha, victory is mine; I am halfway to my goal. I scoop the other one up, plop that one in the house, and scan for the other one. Other one has gone through the revolving door behind me. Grab the escapee, place escapee into custody only to find the other made a break for it. The process was repeated four times. By the time we were done it was almost time to pick up the 3oos (slight exaggeration, but it made for a good end line).

Itty bitty Lego pieces (especially when there are at least a hundred of them) are really hard to pick up off of asphalt. How do I know? Before we left to pick up the older boys from an event, Charis decided to use our back bumper as a storage space for her Legos. I reminded her that the Legos were there, but she was too busy involving herself with the goings on of the WTs. We both remembered about the Legos when we heard a big crash as we were driving down the street. Yes, the street and the Legos had a hasty introduction. Thankfully the street is not a busy one, so picking the itty bitty Legos out of the itty bitty cracks and crevices of the street was not as dangerous as it could have been. AS dangerous, that is.

I had a revelation the other day, but before I reveal my epiphany let me go back……I was in the kitchen chopping almonds for a salad (you know how hard those are to come by), when I came under attack. There was a full scale assault on my legs as I was flanked from the left and the right (hey, I watched “Band of Brothers”). Hungry invaders came rushing in, but I held firm in the midst of the onslaught. That was until one of my almonds escaped. Unfortunately I saw it at the same time someone else saw it, and I went for it at the same time a very chubby arm that does not contain a wrist reached out for it (you’ll never guess which WT that is!). That’s when everything went into slow motion. I called out “Nooooooooo Miiiiiiiicaaaaaaaah” as I lunged for the almond (which is a choking hazard, hence the need to reach it before the wristless one did). As I took the step into the lunge, I tripped over the other WT. This is when I entered “The Matrix.” There was nothing for it, I was going down. I could tell there would be casualties if I did not act fast, so as I was going down, I managed to twist my body to avoid both hostiles on the ground. My knee was the first thing to make contact with the ground. Knees don’t come with padding. Then my hip hit. That comes with padding, lots of padding. And in a move to rival anything Koby Bryant might do on the basketball court (and to prove that mommies pumped with adrenalin can do anything), as I hit the floor I extended my arm out and was able to catch in my hand the head of the impediment I tripped and knocked over.

I lay there clutching my knee and my mouth formed the word “medic!” but no sound came out. Now let me say that in the very next room was my older daughter who proved that she is genetically related to my husband as she continued to be engrossed in her book while this melee went on. The WTs for their part were wildly excited about my gymnastic prowess and started laughing and trying to dogpile me (those savages, no mercy).

As I lay there in pain, I had a flashback to another time that I lay in pain (no, I’m not even talking childbirth here). It was the time that child # 3 pinched child #2 and I went to remove child #3 from the area where #1 and #2 were playing. As I scooped up #3, I turned and my right foot fell into a hole. The foot did not turn when the rest of me did, and I went down. I was carrying #3 at the time and, again in slow motion, I turned my body before I fell so I would not fall on her. I saw stars on that one. The price for that was a sprained ankle that took months to heal. I guess I got off easy this time, just a really sore knee that I still can’t kneel on (try giving twins a bath being able to kneel on just one knee, not easy).

But as I was trying to get myself off the floor I had a revelation. I think I saw a white light and these words flooded my mind: Children are hazardous to your health. You think we can get the Surgeon General to post that one?

I do spend most of my time writing about the WTs, because, well they provide a lot of good material. Still, I do have the 3oos so I thought I’d give a quick update on how they are doing with the change in our household. Daniel as the head of the sibling clan is just a really even-keeled kid. He is happy to have yet another minion to add to his collection. Though he loves Kara and helps care for her, Micah is his boy. They have always had a close bond which I hope continues throughout their lives. Daniel informed me the other day that he wants to get married at the same age, on the same day, at the same time as his dad and I did.

Gabriel has met his match in “spasiness.” He and Kara are kindred spirits. He tends to help more with her as she responds well to him (Micah tends to whack him). After we had a conversation about possibly adopting again, I asked him if he thought our quiver was full. He responded with, “Our quiver is as wide as the Great Wall of China.” He’s our poetic one.

Charis flits between her two younger sibs. She is thrilled to have a sister and asked that she and Kara share a room. She said, “Even though she’s just a baby, I don’t feel lonely in my room anymore.” She is in her element and gets to do what she enjoys: telling other people what to do.

Well, I am trying to post every week, but well, you know. This particular post has been crafted over a week’s time on Microsoft word and imported into the blog. I’m pooped. James worked yesterday and didn’t come home until about 3pm today which means he was gone for about 5,000 hours or so (you know, just rounding up). If I ever meet an always single mom who has five kids and twins among them, I’m going to kiss her feet.


BTW, our social worker visited (story for another blog) and she told me that there is a phenomena called “artificial twinning,” which means that two children aren’t twins from birth but are raised as twins. Well, with artificial twinning comes artificial sanity, it just seems like I’m sane, but I’m really not.

My chain smoking cannibalistic empress has a birthday

Kara is two! She spent a pretty normal day (normal taking on a completely different meaning now) unaware of the significance of this birthday. It's hard to believe we've been home for a little over two weeks. So what's happened over these two weeks? Lots! Too much to include in this post since, as usual, it is getting very late and smart people are in bed already and I am not a smart people.

We have taken her to the dentist to see about her stained teeth. They are much better after consistent brushing, so the torture is paying off. The dentist was able to clean the top four before Kara started to fuss. He recommended we use "Topol" toothpaste, which is for smokers (hmm, so is that why her growth is stunted?).

We have been dealing with her aggression toward Micah, the aggression coming as a surprise to us. He is starting to fight back and we now have the battle to become the alpha twin and achieve tot domination. They have very different methods of warfare. Micah goes in covertly, attacks, and then beats a hasty retreat. Kara does the "shock and awe." She goes at it fully, those noodle arms flailing trying to hit the intended target. Her most deadly weapon: her teeth. Now in all fairness, if I had a life-size marshmallow walking around me all the time, provoking me, I might take a bite too.

Things have gotten better and they seem to, on occassion, enjoy each other's company. Micah has learned to say "Kah-ra" in a cute sing songy way. He will also walk over to her and hand her her water cup, though the skeptic in me is sure he is laughing internally, knowing he has backwashed in her cup. I did catch them high fiving each other in the hallway one time (I think that might have been after they figured out how to turn on the dishwasher).

Lots more has happened, to recap: I accidentally shaved the side of James' hair; we left Micah outside alone everyone thinking the other had him; I dropped and broke my China (made in Japan) pepper shaker next to Kara causing her to sneeze the rest of the day; I took all five to the library (really bad move, not recommended for the faint of heart) and got my first "wow, are these all your kids?" comment; went for her first check-up and had it confirmed that, yes indeed, she is a little peanut; not counting the same people coming twice, we have had 43 guests in our house since we came back from China.

Ah yes, life at its new normal. Embrace the chaos is my new mantra. That and, "Life is short, eat dessert first." What words of wisdom.

The Dinner Quest

It's 1:15am, I need to go to bed, but I just had to write about "The Dinner Quest."

I had to get the older three fed and out the door to catch their ride to their karate lesson. As they were starting their dinner the wondertwins awoke and needed to be fed as well. I got everyone seated and started working on my dinner. It was a salad. Just a salad. You know, lettuce and stuff. I started at 6pm.

The 3 OOs (3 older ones) finshed eating and left, leaving me alone with the WTs. So began the game I called "The Dinner Quest." Here's a condensed version of how it was played:

-Mom starts making salad. Go ahead two spaces.
-Male WT decorates the floor with an unfinished plate of pasta with marinara sauce. Go back two spaces.
-Mom cleans up and cuts snap peas for salad. Go ahead one space.
- Mom is attacked by the "cling-ons," one on each leg. Both crying. Lose a turn.
-Mom bribes WTs with cups of little cookies. Mom puts cups on opposite sides of the room to keep WTs from getting each other's cookies. Mom must stay in room as WTs find that the other's cookies are way better. Reverse direction.
- Mom gets WTs to play with cars. Jump ahead three spaces.
- Mom must interrupt tissue frenzy. Little bits of tissue are decorating the floor and being eaten. Lose two points.
- Mom approaches salad making area. Male WT grabs a full cup of water that one of the 3 OOs left behind. Water spills everywhere. Male WT spreads water on the table. Female WT is under the table participating in water painting. Female WT's pants are soaked through. As Mom goes to change her, the senses are assaulted by toxic waste smell. The one person Hazard materials team must spring into action. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
- WTs start playing with stuff. Mom hears the shoe cabinet open and shoes hitting the floor. Mom pretends she doesn't know what is happening. Salad proceeds. Go ahead five spaces.
- Mom sees Cheerios flying like confetti. Mom intercedes and reads books to WTs. Mom referees boxing match between WTs. Mom is really hungry and thinks often of her salad.
- 3 OOs come home. Female OO needs help with shower. WTs freak out as Mom goes upstairs leaving #2 OO to watch WTs. It does not go well. Go back two spaces.
- 3 OOs have popcorn as a snack while they watch their video. WTs want some. Mom thinks that will buy time. WTs fight over popcorn. WTs need water after eating popcorn. WTs fight over cups of water. WTs want to sit on Mom's lap...one on top of the other. WTs crush popcorn and make snow out of it. Lose 5 points.
- Mom must get WTs ready for bed, put them to bed, and stay with female WT until she falls asleep. Female WT does not want to sleep. Mom would like to sleep, but she is too hungry. Go back to start.
- Children call Father to say goodnight. Mom gets the phone to talk to Father just as she is sitting down to eat. Mom tells Father about her day. Father tells Mother he will be gone almost the entire day tomorrow.
- Mother eats salad at 10:30pm. Mom washes salad down with a caramel brownie.
-Game over.

Wonder twin power, activate!

Sunday, 10:30pm

Home sweet home! I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be home. As soon as we arrived at SFO we felt the difference. As we waited in a long line to go through our first stop in the airport, someone bumped me ever so slightly with her bag. Immediately she apologized. I looked at her with what I am sure was a completely perplexed expression as I tried to comprehend what just happened. Wait, you just apologized for bumping into me? And you assumed I spoke English? What I said was, "Oh, no problem at all." What was coursing through my veins was "God Bless America, Land that I love!!!"

The two flights went extremely well. We did have a good amount of time to kill at the Beijing airport, but Kara decided that she really enjoyed pushing the cart that had our carry-ons so we let her. We walked all over the airport hoping to wear her out for the 11 hour plane ride home. Praise God from whom all blessing flow, she slept for 6 hours! We were amazed and wished we could have slept that much. She had her own seat so we laid her down with her head on me and her feet on James. It was hard to move around, but she was sleeping so all was well with the world.

Judy met us with the three older kids at the airport while Micah was home with my folks. Wow, was it super to see them all. They of course looked like the grew by leaps and bounds, and Micah's new nickname is "pounds." Kara went to the older ones immediately, no doubt thinking the empress now had even more servants. She divides her time evenly between them to grace them with her presence.

Micah liked Kara immediately and might have been thinking, "Ha, ha I now have a minion." He'd point to her and laugh with a kind of "Ho ho ho" laugh. At one point he got behind her, put those marshmallow arms around her and put his head down to give her a hug. She pretty much ignored him. At one point Micah was sitting on my lap and Kara was trying to get between us. Micah looked at me with a very concerned look and said. "Oh!" (as in "Oh my, what does she think she is doing? I could crush her.").

The good old supply and demand principle works to my advantage. There is one mama, so when that one mama is busy she becomes important. At one point I had a kid on each hip which is no easy task. My back may never forgive me. Kara has called me "Mama," but I know that does not have real meaning yet. It probably means "Mama caregiver who gives me food."

Sorry to those who never watched "Superfriends" as you haven't been getting my Wondertwins references. The characters are a brother and sister who say "Wonder twin power, activate! And then they can become different animals or beings. Well our Wondertwins (WTs) have activated and become beings that have superspeed and invisibility (though a particular odor will often give away their positions). At one point I opened the refrigerator to get something and one of the WTs was instantly at the door taking out salad dressings. I extricated the bottles from the hands and moved that WT. I turn around and the other WT is climbing into the fridge getting something else. By the time I moved that one, the salad dressing were being attacked again. I know you are all laughing with glee. Make that heartily laughing with glee.

We did discover that the tough one out of the two is Miss Empress. I wish I knew how to say, "Don't beat up on your big little brother" in Chinese. Micah is the softie. The first time Kara cried (when alas, she did not get what she wanted) Micah looked very distressed. He looked back and forth at Kara and me with his bottom lip protruding farther and farther out. Finally he moved over to her and patted her on the head. He got high praises for being so kind, and got a little too enthusiastic about the pats so we had to put an end to the sympathetic actions so Kara would not sustain brain trauma.

This is NOT to say that they do not do battle over things. Goodness gracious no, what a ridiculous thought. They have tug-of-wars and will each look at me with the "Aren't you going to do anything?" look. So if any of you have suggestions on effective ways to teach a one-year-old and a two-year-old who is developmentally a one-year-old who does not know English how to share, bring them on. Yes, yes, more hearty laughing.

Quick answers to some questions: No jet lag; she's sleeping well after the first night (cried on and off); she's sleeping in our room for now; haven't started school yet; she eats well still, but not as much.

Looking forward to you all meeting her, she met many the first day we were home. Our community group descended feeding us and supplying us with breakfast foods (between them, Judy, and my folks our fridge is stocked). At church today I lost track of the number of people who Kara shmoozed.

New motto in our household: Divide and conquer!

I can see clearly now…

I can see clearly now…
Thursday (can it be true?) 9:30pm

Today was yet another free day. As I said we (okay I wanted, James did not like the thought of going back out into the fat burning heat) wanted to explore a little more. We went to another market and saw a lot of the same things and some different things. There was a huge variety of mushrooms (again, perhaps some made it into Mr. Dang's happy tea), some tiny, others very large. Lots and lots of fungi. There were tiny pink dried roses that had a sign that said: "Effect: Goes to the spot, to make water, the young person." Hmm, makes you younger? Helps you go to the bathroom? Sometimes there were pictures (I guess they're advertisements?) that let us know what things were. Next to a huge bag of shriveled things was a picture of a frog, so I am assuming Kermit and his relatives stayed out in the sun too long and were now being sold as food.

Another big commodity seems to be deer bones with hooves still attached. We also saw "snake like a stick" which were snakes that were perfectly straight and displayed upright like pencils in a can. There were also bags and bags of worms that (we've been told) essentially grow grass on their backs once you take their heads off. I have no way of verifying that information. The day's most unusual savory fare: little scorpians in a tub. That seems like one dangerous delicacy.

The market was huge and went down a number of streets. We hit one section that specialized in things for pets and also sold fish, turtles, etc. to go into aquariums. We took some video of some albino frogs. There were also puppies, kittens, birds, and rodents of various kinds. I saw a lady buy the cutest puppy and was aghast when "plop" she put it into a plastic bag. I thought, "Please tell me that is not tonight's dinner." Much to my relief, she held the bag open to make sure the puppy could breathe. Who knows, maybe she'd be horrified if she came to America and saw ladies putting puppies into purses! Apparently there is a section nearby that sells animals to eat which we didn't see. If I were an animal on the border between those two sections, I'd be mighty concerned.

The street we were on led us underneath the Holiday Inn and it was as if we went through a time machine. When we crossed to the other side of the hotel we entered what looked like the Times Square of Guangzhou. For as far as we could see there were new shops and lit signs and Chinese disco music blaring out of shops. It was pretty wild. We walked down a ways and went down a side street and boom, we were back into "old" China.

A few more interesting features of Guangzhou: Because the middle of the island is well manicured and surrounded by old buildings, we would regularly see professional photographers. Sometimes they were taking pictures of very European looking models, more often it was of brides and grooms. Apparently it is very common to take pictures in full wedding gear before the wedding so the pics can be displayed at the wedding.

Off the island we would see lots of what I called "flat bed bikes." They are bikes that have a flat bed for hauling things. It's amazing the amount of stuff they can carry. One guy had about 50 cases of drinks he was transporting. These are hearty people. Oh yes, back on the island the men in our group took great delight in seeing some very hearty women. We were told to "take notes" from ladies (and there are a lot of them) that are hauling cement. It's amazing how brave these men can be when we are not controlling whether or not they get fed.

We had a fun time off the island, but Kara was slumped as far as a child could be in her stroller. If she could, she would have melted her way out of there. And as we were leaving, just to complete my trip here, I was treated to a full baby moon.

I met a very sweet lady named Jenny who owns a store on the island. Her prices were by far the cheapest so I started telling others in our group about her. She was very appreciative and kept giving me free things for giving her business (I went into her store at least four times). The shops here try to be all service shops so you can get diapers and souvenirs in the same place (and sometimes food). Competition is fierce around here, so I know Jenny really appreciated the referrals I gave. I got to know her family a little and she has a son named Michael. I've seen him several times and never noticed how he was dressed. Until today. Remember how I said that even though Kara would be dressed in lavender, people would still ask if she was a girl or boy? Well as I was returning the stroller Jenny let me borrow, in came Michael. I definitely noticed what he was wearing today. He was looking quite fancy in a white dress with cute animals and bugs and flowers. To complete his ensemble, he was sporting pink sandals. Ah ha, I said. Now I get it, it's all so clear to me. I will take offense no more.

We have a very long day ahead of us tomorrow. We meet Shiyan at 5:30am to begin the first leg of our flight. Our flight from Guangzhou leaves at 8am and will arrive in Beijing at 11am. The next leg starts from Beijing at 4pm and arrives in SF at 12:40pm. It's a 10 ½ hour flight. Which is really long. And we have a toddler with us. Pray for us.

Once we get home we'll have a "lock down" day on Saturday on which we will focus on our kids and getting back to "real life" (like laundry and grocery shopping). We are excited to have you meet Kara, but we're asking for no visitors or phone calls on that day (just that one day and then we are fair game). We'll be at church on Sunday so we'll see many of you then.

Many many thanks for all the love and support you've shown us over the last almost five years. Thank you to Judy (and Rob) who has allowed us to be here with no worries about our kids. Thanks to my parents for taking the kids for a weekend at my dad's peril (that's another story). Thanks to all who helped Charis during wedding weekend and shuttled the kids around (especiallly Shrouts and Kristin). We are so blessed to have the family, immediate and extended that we do.

Thanks to everyone who has faithfully followed the blog. Sorry we didn't post more pictures, but we couldn't quite get things to work. I will continue the blog when we get home, but can pretty much guarantee that I won't be posting every day. I think I will be a wee bit busy. However, I have the distinct feeling that I will have more stories to tell. After all, we may be ending this particular adventure, but the journey has just begun.

Much love,
Julie

Flies and worms and bare bottoms, oh my!

Flies and worms and bare bottoms, oh my!
Wednesday 10pm

This morning all the Bethany families got together to take the famous "red couch" pictures. Usually you put all the babies on one of the red couches at the White Swan to take pictures. Since our group is so big, there was no way to put all the kids on one couch and stay sane. We decided to take pictures according to the province from which they came. There we were, the parental paparazzi, jockeying for position to get a good shot. We also took pictures by family, then moms with kids. Kara was great throughout, though she tended as always to wander around when it wasn't our turn. A common phrase I'd utter is, "I lost my kid." Then I'd see her working the room as usual. If she came to someone who didn't notice her right away, she'd stand in front of that person, swaying back and forth with arms swinging as if to say, "Please notice my cuteness."

We moved to take a group picture in front of the waterfall. Well, Kara had decided she'd had enough of this modeling stuff. She wanted to climb up and down the stairs. My guess is that she never climbed stairs in the orphanage. It is not a pretty sight to watch her do it. As the families assembled to take the picture, there was my daughter looking like a lavender Gollum (if you are not a Lord of the Rings fan, just think of a cross between a mongoose and a monkey) in her traditional Chinese dress climbing the stairs. I scooped her up to take the group picture and that was it. There was only one howler monkey in the group and her last name ends in Froisland.

After the pictures we decided to explore and go off the island (as opposed to "off the wall" which was what Kara was doing during the photo session. We will preserve that photo to be taken out at convenient times.). For a little while we walked with a family in which one of the ladies in the family had been one of the first babies to be adopted through Holt (a very well known adoption agency). She had been adopted from Korea and was here to support her niece's adoption. She actually knows James' Uncle Tim and Aunt Rhoda by name through a Mennonite paper for which Aunt Rhoda writes.

We wandered into an outdoor market that sold lots of dry goods. It was very difficult to determine exactly what some of the things were. We saw some small dried flowers which we think are to be used for tea (probably not as good as Mr. Dang's tea… I realized it is Dang not Wang. They rhyme, it was an easy mistake.). Someone tried to sell me some kind of root, I have no idea what it was. Some of the more exotic (for us) things that were being sold were (all dried): large dead flies (I get a lot of those at home); snakes, something that looked like mini-horseshoe crabs; worms; and seahorses. You could get little seahorses or big seahorses, there were a whole lot of seahorses. Stall after stall had the same things being sold and available in large quantities. I found the whole thing fascinating.

When we crossed the bridge to get off the island, it felt like we were in Beijing again. Bare bottom babies once again were the height of fashion (I'll take them any day over the frightful sight from yesterday!). I also found myself having to go ting bu donging all over again. In addition, we got plenty of looks from people passing by. We're going to explore again tomorrow since it is our LAST FULL DAY IN CHINA!!!!

Kara is such a different girl than the one we picked up over two weeks ago. There are times in which I miss that really quiet complacent girl, since I have anything but that now. Kara is getting herself in shape to do battle with her competition. She enjoys throwing pity parties by making all kinds of noise and squirming around on the floor. When she realizes no one is coming to her party, she quits. Unfortunately it can take a while before she quits. Today as we were leaving to go to dinner with friends, she decided to throw herself a full blown pity extravaganza right in the hallway. This was something to behold. She was laying on her back and started to show off her swimming skills by doing what amounted to the backstroke in the hallway. As impressed as we were with her aquatic skills being demonstrated in a hotel hallway, she was swimming the wrong direction so we had to put an end to it.

We still have twice daily torture sessions which we think are paying off. Her teeth are looking a little better. Her walking is much better and she has picked up speed (usually when we are trying to catch her). She has learned to "high five," shake hands, and blow kisses. We have her quite conditioned so that anytime the computer is on, she'll want to climb into one of our laps and then she'll start waving. See, that's why we don't have pets, we have children to entertain us.

Two families left today, more will leave tomorrow and we will leave Friday. Supposedly there will be 35 adoptive families on the plane going from Guangzhou to Beijing. See, we're going to take over the world. It's bittersweet to be going our separate ways, but all of us have been ready for some time to go home. We have met some amazing families who we hope will be lifelong friends. Our friends the Faulkners just sent over an ice cream sundae which I was walking around calling "my precious" (sorry, another Lord of the Rings reference). Their daughter, Sarah, has offered her babysitting services to us if we pay for transportation. She lives in Indiana. That'd be one expensive date.

Here are a few things I am looking forward to in getting home:
1. Real hugs and kisses from my kids, friends and family.
2. Watching Kara and her wonder twin unite (either that or engage in mortal combat, probably both)
3. Living in 2700 square feet of space instead of approximately 500.
4. Being able to brush my teeth with the water that comes out of the tap
5. Chocolate chip cookies.(homemade of course)
6. Cars staying in one lane at a time
7. Having the right of way when crossing the road
8. Babies in diapers
9. Being able to go outside and not feel like I need another shower after 5 minutes
10. People assuming I speak English.
Etc., etc., etc.

One funny story to share before I sign out for the day: A family who has a four-year-old said that their daughter was starting to relax around them so they started playing "peek-a-boo" with her. They'd be playing around and when they'd say "boo!" she'd stand still and give them a worried look. After a little while she'd relax and they'd resume the game. Then the same thing would happen again, she'd freeze when they'd say "boo." Finally they realized that the word pronounced "boo" in Chinese means "no." So the poor girl was thoroughly confused. Later someone told them that instead of "peek-a-boo" you need to play "peek-a-bah."

One more day to go, but who's counting?

Sometimes it’s okay to swear

Sometimes it's okay to swear
Tuesday 11:59pm

Yes, yes, I am still keeping late hours. Some things don't change I guess. Today we had our oath taking ceremony. It was about a half hour ride to the consulate due to, surprise, surprise, traffic. The American consulate building is actually on the island right next to our hotel. It used to take 2 minutes to walk over there. After 9/11 the street was blocked off and now it takes about 7 minutes to go next door. However, due to the large numbers of adoptions that need to be processed, the visa center was moved off the island to some other building.

This was our last official act we had to carry out in China. We went into a big room and waited to be called to a window. We passed over our passports, signed a paper and then sat and waited. Pretty soon an official came out and spoke to us then administered the oath. In the oath we swore that all our forms pertaining to our child's visa application were true to the best of our knowledge. The entire room of us recited it at the same time. I guess we could have stood there and said "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon" the whole time and no one would have noticed. But I highly doubt that anyone who has jumped through the hoops we have is going to mess around now. After the oath we whooped it up and I saw some people crying. I thought, "Uh oh, did I just fail adoptive parenting 101? Was I supposed to cry?" What was going through my mind was, "Yipee! She's ours and we are that much closer to going home!!!" We receive her visa tomorrow which interestingly will be accompanied by a brown envelope. We are not supposed to open said brown envelope, nor should we open the clear envelope that houses the visa and brown envelope. I'm thinking we might be transferring top secret government documents. I guess I'll never know.

Earlier today we wandered around and visited a shop that was new to us. The shopkeeper (Mr. Wang) had had his original shop taken by the government as they needed to renovate the building he was in. This Mr. Wang grows his own tea and let us sample some. I am now spoiled for life. The tea (green and white) was delicious. If I were a tea connoisseur, I probably wouldn't balk at the $50 price tag attached to Mr. Wang's special brew. We were told that the tea is a panacea and can cure many things as it has medicinal herbs in it. Hmmm, perhaps that is why the tea is so good. We have a certain kind of medicinal herb that has been legalized in CA, perhaps there is a dash of that in his "special blend."

Mr. Wang's wife is my new BFF. She asked if we had any other kids and I told her we have four others. Her eyes widened and she asked if they were all adopted. I said no, they were all biological. She looked at my stomach, looked back at me, looked back at my stomach and said, "You do good job! You not look like you have four kids." Okay, she probably was lying but hey, I'll take it. She looked at James and said, "The tea is good for this" and pointed to his stomach. We can't figure out if she meant it was good for digestion or good for weight loss. James was not as flattered as I was. Go figure.

I saw something very unique on our drive back from the visa appointment. I've seen a lot of interesting things, but this takes the cake. As we were stopped in traffic, I looked over and there was a topless lady standing on the curb. I didn't mean to look twice, but I thought, "That can not be what I think that is. That is someone's grandma going au natural in the middle of the city." I think a crime was committed as she assaulted my eyes.

On a similar theme, there was an article in the newspaper about a woman who beat a police officer with her pants. He was going to confiscate her illegal rickshaw, so she took off her pants and started beating him with it. It said there was a hard object in the pants that brought the officer down. And we thought those things only happened in Berkeley.

This is a short post (amazingly) because it's so late. BTW, if you have been leaving comments on the blog I will enjoy them when I return. Our blog site is blocked here in China (as is Facebook, I am told) so I can't see my own blog. We are posting via e-mail to the blog and many thanks to Rick for cleaning up the formatting. Freedom of speech and information is a relative term. If you have asked any questions on the blog, e-mail them to us. The countdown continues!

Little boy…lavender?

Little boy…lavender?
Monday 10pm

Today Shiyan took our documents to the American consulate to apply for Kara's visa. Even though our adoption is complete, Kara will not be an American citizen until we touch down in SF. Hence, the need for a visa. We already have her passport which has her Chinese name on it. We will want to readopt her in the US so that we can have a birth certificate in English (I think she will thank us for that later). As an aside, Shiyan was passing out documents to the various families here and was calling out our kids' Chinese names. For the most part we could pick out our kids' names, but she read a particular name several times and no one responded. James was standing next to her, looked at the name and said it out loud "American style." Instantly someone said, "Oh, that's us." I also found out that Kara's given name was "Tong," but as a nickname was called "Tongtong."

We had a free day today; with the exception of checking to make sure we did not have a message from Shiyan on our phone. We were very glad to be without a blinking red light. That means that all our paperwork should be in order (please oh please oh please). We spent the morning talking to friends and to the kids. Wow, Micah looks absolutely gi-normous! We used to say he was like a "bull in a China shop." Now we'll have to say he is like a "bull in a from China shop." We keep apologizing to Kara that her wonder twin is a dirt-eating-Viking-sumo wrestler.

James stayed back with Kara during her nap and I roamed the island. I went out shopping for diapers and wandered into a little shop just to look around. The shopkeeper followed me around and we talked about the merchandise. I said, "Oh I'm just looking, I can come back tomorrow." Immediately I realized that I had probably initiated the haggle launch sequence, so I said, "I'm just shopping for diapers right now." Whew, okay, stand down. Haggle thrusters deactivated.

I must say that I do miss the good old Hypermart. The only place to get groceries on the island is 7-11. Yes, they do have a 7-11 here as well as a Starbucks and a Subway. Since we have a buffet breakfast and do dinner with our group, it has been our practice since we got to China is to have a really light lunch of something like yogurt and Cheerios. After all, even though I am bringing back a child, I don't need to look like I am bearing a child. Unfortunately it's slim pickings at the ol' 7-11. I can get various kinds of curry at 7-11, but no dice on the Cheerios.

Shiyan had arranged for our group to have a "Chinese meal" in which she would choose the dishes and we would pay a flat price. She assured us that she would be "conservative" in her choices. As we walked into the restaurant and looked at some of the seafood being sold outside (including lovely little eels that were slithering in a tub), I wondered what her idea of "conservative" was. I needn't have worried. The food was very good and closer to what we have in the states. Apparently because we are in southern China where many people speak Cantonese, the food we have is Cantonese which is what we have back home. Still, we have yet to see our traditional fare of "lemon chicken" or kung pao chicken." We also have yet to receive a single fortune cookie, which makes me suspicious as to the origin of that dessert. I can safely say we did not consume any pig's feet, ostrich kidneys, or sheep placenta soup as seen on some menus.

As much as we are looking forward to getting home, I will say I will miss being here. Not because of the hotel (okay, full disclosure – I enjoy having my meals cooked for me and I do like someone else making my bed), but because of the very unique community we are in right now. As I've said, everywhere you look there are adoptive families. We could have our own Chinese kid kibbutz. It is very easy to strike up a conversation with people when you know they are going through the same thing (with some variations) you are. We sometimes try to best each other with who has been waiting the longest. We win that match a lot, but have been definitely beaten by some. I imagine it is what it's like when veterans get together and swap war stories or moms get together and swap birth stories (in that we try to best each other to see who had the longest labor, I can win that one sometimes too…thanks a lot Micah).

Alright, confession time. I have been having a struggle with hair envy. Not envying it for myself, as I have plenty, but for my daughter. I have seen lots of little girls with lots of hair. Shiyan told us that she asked some orphanages not to shave the girls' hair in the summer because they were going to be adopted. Well apparently Beijing missed that memo, and someone put a #2 on an electric razor and went to town on my daughter's head. Consequently, we get asked if Kara is a boy or girl. Now mind you, the clothes I put on her would not be what I consider gender neutral nor should there be any gender ambiguity in their appearance. We still get asked that question and I am sure I look like I am either deaf or without sense as I look at the questioner, pause, look down at my daughter who is bedecked in a floral lavender outfit accented by lavender bows, look back at them with a "you have got to be kidding me" look, and say "girl." To which they act surprised and say "Oh! A girl! How nice."

Tomorrow the two planned events of the day are getting Kara another pair of shoes (sans squeakers) and a visit to the American Consulate to take an oath. That is a very important visit and if we are late, we will not be allowed in. That would be very bad indeed.

By the way, I saw the lady who I was "killing and taking her salary" from the other night. She looked quite well, so I said hello to her and said I would be back tomorrow (insert maniacal chuckle, followed by an emoticon happy face).

Mini-Micah has emerged

Mini-Micah has emerged
Sunday 11pm

In talking to many parents around here a common theme has developed. We all have kids that have a stubborn streak and want to exert their independence. Okay, yes that describes Kara's mother, but that is beside the point. With the kids feeling more comfortable with us they are starting to push the boundaries. We were told by Shiyan that the kids have lived a very militaristic lifestyle in the orphanages. Now that they have much more freedom, they are testing how far they can take it.

I just know that when we get home Kara and Micah are going to be in cahoots with one another to see what they can get away with. Kara has decided to get herself in trouble in the same area Micah gets in trouble: pulling things out of the wall socket. I'm convinced they are communicating telepathically. She also likes to play at bedtime. I was having a very difficult time (and was not successful) at keeping a straight face the other night when Kara was supposed to be going to sleep. First she would be playing with her feet, trying to rid herself of invisible toe jam. Then we would see feet coming out of her mini-crib (the hotel provides a small crib, if Micah were here he would have catapulted out of that thing long time ago…hopefully he doesn't send that message to Kara). Then both legs would come out. Then we'd see her sitting up with a blanket on her head. If she had toys in there we know they would go flying across the room. I don't know why, but our guide keeps looking at us when she talks about the "long and difficult journey home with your children." We went off the island today (I know all you "Lost" fans are already thinking of funny comments to make) to visit "Chen's Ancestral Hall" built during the Qing dynasty (1888-1894). Within the rooms of the "hall" are displays of folk art from around the country (ivory carvings, paper cutting, glass etching, wood carvings, embroidery, porcelain and pottery). The buildings themselves were amazing, and the art work was very impressive. I felt genetically inferior once again. Even though they were selling ivory works, there was a big sign that said you cannot take any ivory out of the People's Republic of China without permission from the government. We figured we are already going through a lot of trouble getting governmental approval to take a 21lb export out of the country, we'd best not push our luck.

After our visit to the Ancestral Hall, we went to a park that houses the very famous statue of five goats (which half our group thought was the "gold statue" instead of the "goat statue."). Apparently if you have a picture of you standing in front of the statue, everyone will know you were in Guangzhou. On another level of the park were other sculptures. Here is a bit of the explanation from the plaque: "The sculpture with the artistists technique of fiction and actuality expressing the mythology of the five rams in three pictures that is: "The God's Descent" "Giving Grain to the People" "Labour and Harvest." "It is so magnificently conceived and lively shaped making you feel that you was in the fairly tale." We got a picture in front of the statue which was undeniably a statue of five goats. The foliage was beautiful at the park and we would have loved to look around more, but frankly we were "sweating fat" and opted to go back to the air conditioned hotel, because you could "boil a kettle on my head."

As we gathered in a group this evening to go to dinner an older man came up to me and started speaking Chinese. I said my "Ting bu dong" twice and even "duibuqi" (I'm sorry) and he kept talking. Finally I called Shiyan over to talk to him. He wanted to know how much it cost to adopt Kara. He is from Indonesia and he has a relative that would like to adopt. Shiyan told him that no one from Indonesia can adopt from China because there is no agreement to do so between the two countries. He asked again about the cost. I told Shiyan to tell him that it "costs a lot." Then he asked where Kara was from. When Shiyan told him she was from Beijing, he said, "Oh, she must have been more expensive."

I've discovered I am an unintentional haggler. It is commonplace to haggle about the price of things, something at which I fail miserably. I just feel bad for the people trying to eke out a living which I was just telling some friends at dinner. We did do some shopping after dinner (paying full price) and James decided to head back to the hotel with Kara, regretting that he ever decided to go shopping with me. I paid for our stuff and started walking back to the hotel. On the way I saw a store that had t-shirts. There was a particular one I had seen that I wanted for Kara. I asked the storekeepers (who spoke very good English as do most shopkeepers on the island) how much for the shirt. The lady said "25 yuan." I said, "Hmm, okay well I'll come back tomorrow because I don't really have much money with me." Apparently I uttered some code phrase as the young man said "It is a little more expensive because it is well made." I said, "Okay, well I'll come back tomorrow." The lady said, "Okay, I lower the price. 20 yuan." I thought, "Wow, that was easy." I didn't expect the price to drop and really was planning on coming back the next day. I said, "If I come back tomorrow can I still have the shirt for 20 yuan?" She must have thought I was trying to be a hard sell because she then said, "Oh you killing me! You take my salary! Okay, 15 yuan. You tell your friends I give you good price and you come again." Not wanting to repeat this scenario again, I dug into my pocket and had the 15 yuan for the shirt (to calculate about how much things cost, you divide the amount in yuan by 7). After I paid, I stayed and chatted with the two shopkeepers who were very curious about me. The guy asked where I was from. I said, "California." He looked at me curiously and said, "California….United States?" I said yes, wondering if there was another California I did not know about. He looked at the woman and then asked, "So your parents were born in China?" I then explained my ethnic background and the whole "Ting bu dong" deal at which they laughed, thus confirming that my Chinese is pretty sad. So, what does Kara's t-shirt say? "Made in China."

Bye Bye Beijing, Hellooo Guangzhou!

Bye Bye Beijing, Hellooo Guangzhou!
10:30 pm Saturday

Gotta love a good thunderstorm. That is what we are experiencing right now here in Guangzhou. I think you are supposed to stay away from windows during a thunderstorm, but being the brilliant people we are we have been glued to the window watching the lightning.

A good chunk of yesterday was spent getting to Guangzhou. It was a three hour flight and a different experience flying with a toddler. If this was any indication of what will happen during our full day of flying on the 13th, please by all that is good in this world, start praying for us now. Okay, it wasn't horrible, just a bit difficult. Kara is a girl on the move, and she does not take too kindly to having to be strapped down. On the way home she will have her own seat, but this time she was belted onto our belt. This sweet older man sitting next to us (poor soul) was doing all he could to cheer her up. After being told "Ting bu dong" he started using a lot of hand gestures (nice ones I assure you) to give me parenting advice. He would also pick pictures out of his newspaper and hand them to Kara to look at. She would respond by crumpling up the pictures and throwing them to the floor (what gratitude). The man even made an airplane for her out of an airsick bag (my people use origami paper, but you use what you can in a pinch).

We were happy to leave Beijing, and Guangzhou is a very different place. On the negative side, it is very humid, even worse than Beijing. On the positive side, it is a very interesting place. We are actually on an "island" (really only separated from the mainland by a moat). A number of the buildings here were once owned by the British, so the architecture is different (though I will say that Beijing had some wonderful looking buildings) from what we've seen. Another feature of the island is that it has a church on it, something we have yet to see in our time here.

We are staying in the White Swan Hotel that is in a word, saawaaaaankyyyyy! In the drawer there is a yearbook of sorts that has pictures of various dignitaries who have visited the hotel. They range from Chinese governmental figures, to George Bush (Sr.) to Fidel Castro. There's another book that has photos of special foods the hotel has prepared for various important functions. There is a 20' (?) waterfall in the middle of the hotel and a number of huge jade statues. This must be a classy place as there is no clothesline in the bathroom (Bummer for us, though laundry is much cheaper here. We already took some things to be laundered. Souvenir shops advertise that they also handle laundry. And they all advertise a special of 50% off the usual price. ).

As fancy as the hotel is, it has the nickname of the "baby hotel." A number of different adoption agencies converge here. To quote Frodo Baggins in "The Two Towers", "We are not alone." Everywhere you look you see Chinese children with not so Chinese parents. Think of a bunch of Jameses with a bunch of Karas. Oh, sorry, was that scary? Just think of a bunch of Karas then. The businesses around the hotel cater to adoptive families and advertise as such. Unfortunately with the number of adoptions falling by about 50% since 2004, a number of the businesses have closed down. We found out that all adoptive families must come through Guangzhou because it is the only place in China that issues immigrant visas.

We got a lovely gift on behalf of the Mattel company since we are an adoptive family. We received Barbie in a box wearing a pink mini-dress and pink stilettos holding what is supposed to be an Asian child (or as a friend's son says, "A brown baby.". I think I'll pack that one away for Kara until she's too old to play with Barbies (Barbie fan I am not). Lest you think I'm being mean, the box does say "For ages 14 and over" and "This is not a toy."

Mattel has funded a room in the hotel in which preschool age kids can play. We went down there tonight and met the kind of people that make you think, "Wow, I am but a mere peon." This family has 13 children (one in heaven right now). They adopted 6 from Liberia (a number with special needs) and 2 from China (the one they adopted this time has a heart condition). And get this, they are a homeschooling family. I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! Seriously though, we had a wonderful conversation and I agreed with Kitty when she said, "My soul feels refreshed."

We have been reunited with the other Bethany families and have been having a blast seeing all their beautiful kids. We had the kids' medical exam today which involved going through three "stations." It was busy and packed, but it was fun talking to the other families (I know shocking, me, talk?). When we went to the last station, we were unnerved when the doctor asked about Kara's diagnosis. We showed him that her diagnosis (given when she was 3 ½ months old) is "mental retardation." At that he got up and left. He came back, looked through some of our paperwork and left again. We thought, "This can not be good." When he returned, he was accompanied by Shiyan, our guide in Guangzhou. She translated for us as the doctor asked if we thought the diagnosis was correct. We said that we thought that she was developmentally delayed, but definitely not mentally delayed. Before she translated that to the doctor, we asked, "Is that okay to say?" To which she said, "Yes, the doctor thinks she is fine." Tsk, just fine???

We had a long meeting today to go over all the documents needed for Kara's visa. Nope, we are not out of the paperwork woods yet. The adoption is complete, but now we are dealing with immigration and lots of forms and documents (and moolah of course).

Tomorrow we do some touring around to a folk art museum and a park. We can't help but think of our kids at home right now and the wedding of friends that will occur in a number of hours. Charis is in the wedding, and we are sorry to be missing it. There was the offer to Skype us and let us watch the wedding, only we'd be doing that at 4:30am. As much as we love this couple, I think we will watch the video.

Six more days and counting down…

Oh, let me leave you with some quotes from a section of the China Daily newspaper titled "Better English."
1. "It's so warm that the dog is chasing the cat, but both are walking."
2. "Flies are falling down tired!"
3. "I am leaking!"
4. "It's raining fire!"
5. "It's so hot my tongue is hanging out."
6. "I am sweating like a chicken!"
7. "It is like a Turkish bath."
8. "You could boil a kettle on your head."
9. "It's hot enough to melt hell!"
10. "It's so dry the trees are following the dogs around."
and my favorite:
11. "I'm sweating fat!"

Genetically inferior and sprinkled with pixie dust

Genetically inferior and sprinkled with pixie dust
9:20pm Thursday

Our trip to the Beijing zoo was pretty uneventful. We saw the typical animals, with the exception of the pandas (very cute). The zoo was very crowded and I had to keep reminding myself that it is not rude here to bump into people and burst their personal space bubbles (more like dash the space bubble into a million pieces). Remind me when I get home not to act that way because I might decide to go all roller derby at the grocery store. That'd be bad.

In the early evening we took in a "Flying Acrobatic Show" which was very similar to a Cirque du Soleil. It was during that show that I determined that I am genetically inferior. People can do some amazing things. Kara amazingly slept through a good portion of it. When she awoke she watched the show, but became more interested in watching a little boy run up and down the stairs next to us. That's a Froisland kid for you, always keeping tabs on those of the opposite gender (which is a good thing).

It was at that theater that I had my first encounter with a "squat" toilet which flushed. I won't go into detail, but I will point out two things: 1) you can get proficient very quickly at something given the right motivation; 2) there are some things for which men are just more genetically suited.

After the show we came back to the hotel and then James, Kara, and I went to try out a new restaurant (it was Chinese in case you were wondering). Once we got inside we realized that this was a swanky place (to which you all are asking, "So what were you guys doing there?"). My backpack got its own chair. We got towels with which to wipe our hands before dinner. This was new: our napkins were placed on the table, laid flat, and our plates were put on top. Then we encountered the most unnerving part of the experience: helicopter servers. While we looked at the menu they hovered at our table. While we ate, they hovered nearby. If I picked up a dish to serve myself some more food, one of them would rush over and take the plate from me to place it back on the table and then orient the spoon handle to face us.

The menu was extensive and offered some very interesting parts of animals. Or sometimes you could get a whole animal. If you ordered a particular chicken dish, you'd get the whole chicken, head and all. One dish that I didn't order, but found intriguing was the "sashimi on Pringles." And from the picture it really looked like Pringle chips. We decided on a chicken dish which had no bones and a shrimp dish. I thought that was a safe bet until the shrimp came, whole shrimp, head, legs, tail, shell, the works. James asked one of the helio servers if we ate the whole thing, to which she nodded yes. I tried one like that and decided I had to Americafy the shrimp. I thought I'd wait until the servers weren't looking. But they were always looking, watching, waiting. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and like the good American Twinkie (you know, yellow on the outside, white on the inside) I am, I did my pseudo dissection of the shrimp. And then when only one server was buzzing nearby, I'd wipe my face really fast on the napkin that was laying on the table. It felt like I was wiping my face on the tablecloth, but I was going rogue by that point.

The formality of the environment was broken when Kara decided she wanted out of her chair. One of the servers picked her up and carried her off. Another server came and plucked Kara from her. Before you knew it, about five of the servers were "fighting" over her and Kara was being passed around like a hot potato (but in this case one you'd want to keep). She was eating the whole thing up of course. She has embraced this attention getting thing, so beware when we get home.

Today Kara was wearing the clothes she wore when we picked her up from the orphanage. I marvel at the progress she has made since the last time she wore those clothes only a little more than a week ago. She was an orphan with nothing when we got her, and now she is a daughter who will have all we can give (I reminded her of that today but she just wanted a cracker).

There is a great moment at the end of a live action movie of "Peter Pan." The Darling children have returned home and are reunited with their parents. The lost boys enter in and Wendy, Michael, and Peter ask if they can keep them all to which their parents answer "yes." As they are reveling in their new family, stodgy spinster Aunt Millicent watches the scene from the doorway. A boy appears next to her and is clearly upset. She asks, "What is the matter?" He says, "I lost my way and couldn't find the house, and now every one has a mother except me." At that moment Tinkerbell flies by and sprinkles pixie dust on Aunt Millicent. Aunt Millicent asks, "Is your name 'Lively?'" He says, "Yes, how did you know?" Aunt Millicent: "Because I am your mother." Lively (I think that is his name) asks, "How can you be sure?" To which she responds with a smile, "Because I feel it."

I am Kara's mom because I feel it. And oh, what a feeling!

Off to Guangzhou tomorrow, and one more week to home!

The no good very bad parental units

The no good very bad parental units
9pm Wednesday

Today we had a free day and spent most of the morning chatting with some of you fine folk. We didn't venture out until the afternoon when housekeeping came to clean our room. It was sprinkling when we left to visit our favorite haunt, Hypermart. As we approached the market it began raining and was coming down fairly hard. We enjoyed it as it was such a nice break from the heat (which in all fairness has come down and has gone from furnace heating oppressive to mildly uncomfortable), but we were pretty wet as we went into the market. As James and I were looking at something, a lady stopped, looked at our poor little wet waif, pulled a wad of paper towels out of her pocket (something I always keep on hand when shopping) and proceeded to wipe our daughter down. The lady didn't talk to us, just kept drying off the little empress. As she finished and walked away, I said thank you in Chinese and she either said "You're welcome" or "You are no good very bad parental units who just flunked Chinese parenting 101." I'm not really sure, because, well, I only look like I speak Chinese.

Speaking of Chinese parenting, we have been surprised at the ubiquitous bare baby bottom. At the store, bare baby bottoms. On the street, bare baby bottoms. At the Forbidden City, not forbidden bare baby bottoms. Either the bottoms are completely bare or are peeking through the "split pants" that many of the babies wear. We asked Joy to reveal the story behind this phenomena. She said that the older generation does not think that it is good for babies to wear diapers in this hot weather. They fear the babies will become overheated and will get diaper rashes. This is apparently a hot topic on the internet for young parents. The bottom line (I am so cracking myself up) is that because both parents often have to work, they rely on the older generation to care for their children while they are gone. Consequently the parents acquiesce and go along with it. And that's the naked truth, ar, ar.

The weather cleared up so we took a nice long walk to a park and then to a buffet for dinner. Very interesting buffet. They do have pizza there, but the toppings are quite unique. Some combinations are: beans and golden raisins; corn and pineapple; cranberries and some kind of meat. Some pizzas have mayo as the sauce. The buffet also has the distinction of being an "all the beer you can drink" place as well which made for some rather raucous patrons yesterday. There was a huge group of what looked like college aged kids drinking and smoking up the place (that's another thing that is hard to get used to, cigarette smoke everywhere). We were with the family who adopted the 7 –year-old. Along with the parents, two of his sisters came to China as well. One is in her early 20s, Jennifer, the other is 13, Sarah  (both very sweet young ladies). As we were getting set to leave, some of the guys were eyeing Jennifer and seemed to be goading each other on to do something. We decided to get out of there, before they uttered some bad pick-up line and embarrassed everyone involved. They started following us out, but Jennifer got ahead of them. Just as we were out of there, one looked at Sarah and said, "You are a very beautiful" then they elbowed each other and walked away. Oh boys will be boys no matter where you are.

A word about walking around busy Beijing, you are pretty much taking your life into your hands. It's not crime that is the issue, it is crossing the street. Pedestrians most resolutely do not have the right of way. It is amazing to watch cars come so close to peds. We had a bus pass way too close in front of us when we had the green "go ahead and walk guy signal." We've learned to be aggressive and to just start walking when it's our turn. I started uttering death threats with my eyes to oncoming traffic (in a really sweet peaceful fashion of course). Once we'd start across the street I would initialize ocular death rays. I'm sure I looked frightening. Hey, don't mess with Mama bear.

We came back and gave K a bath in the sink. She's so small we find that the sink functions just fine. She loves her baths. I think the water level goes down about 50% while she's in there. She splashes like crazy and finds it absolutely hilarious to watch her mom try to dodge the waves that emanate from the whirling water. I'm sure housekeeping wonders what in the world kind of hygienic routine we follow as they see all the water spots on the mirror. Those crazy foreigners!

Tomorrow it is off to the Beijing Zoo and an acrobatic show in the afternoon. That will be our last full day in Beijing, hurray! We fly out to Guangzhou on Friday. We are looking forward to seeing a new city, but even more it signals the last leg of our trip! And there's no ifs, ands, or butts about it (okay, I'm done, I promise!).