The breakfast that wasn't

I could never make a living being a blogger.  Here for your enjoyment:

The breakfast that wasn’t

 I was going to title this the “Quest for breakfast” to be a sequel to my “Quest for dinner,” but this was really a different experience.  Breakfast wasn’t my elusive goal, it just ceased to be.

 I don’t try to miss breakfast as I know it is a big no-no if you ever are trying to lose weight.  I’m always trying to lose weight since, it’s the craziest thing, I keep finding it behind me!

 The morning routine is usually: work out, get the twins, make breakfast for the kids, do devotions and start school while the kids eat.  Then I eat breakfast…usually.  The particular morning in question  there was a glitch in the system.  First of all the twins got up way too early and my 45 minute workout took 1 ½ hours.  They tried to help me get into shape by adding 40 + pounds while I did floor work.  One sat on my neck and the other sat on my stomach.

 Being a Saturday it wasn’t that big a deal, but by the end of the 1 ½ hours the WTs were howling with hunger.  To appease them, I put some small cups of cereal on the coffee table.  Not missing a beat, Kara quickly dumped both and became amazingly ambidextrous as she began to shovel cereal into her mouth with both hands.  Micah uttered something that sounded a lot like “Hey!”  Skipping the cups, I spread cereal on the table like chicken feed.  Apparently the spreading of the cereal looked really fun as the WTs decided to partake in that activity.  Lots of cereal on the floor.  That’s okay, I decide, I can pick that up later.

 Pancakes were for breakfast (from scratch, thank you very much).  I mixed in a little bit of insanity as I added mini chocolate chips as a treat.  Pancakes can take a long time to make, especially when your legs are covered with 20 + pound weights that are taking swipes at each other.  One weight disengages and relative peace reigns until I hear the squeak of the media cabinet open.  I glance up to see DVDs cascading out of the cabinet.  The WTs think those are cool books that have removable Frisbees inside of them. 

 Breakfast finally gets on the table; everyone (sans Mom) is eating.  I do our devotions and realize that I really should unload the dishwasher while my “helpers” are eating.  The WTs enjoy unloading the dishwasher, only sometimes the dishes are dirty.  Micah gets kind of bossy when he’s helping.  The WTs are allowed to take out the plastic plates.  For each plate he removes, Micah has to alert me with a “MOM!” and sometimes in rapid succession, “MOM! MOM!”  Sounds cute, huh? Uh huh.

 I don’t get far before WT2 (Micah) is frantically waving his hands back and forth signing that he is finished.  Without the security of confinement gone,  I figure I should go ahead and eat my breakfast .  One of the 3 OOs (older ones) announces that Kara is finished too.  I look over at Kara and two things enter my mind: 1) she is not genetically related to me as she does not care much for chocolate and so has not eaten much of her mini chip pancakes, and 2) instead of eating them, she has decided to decorate her head with them.  Not only that, but she began a game of “peek-a-boo” which only enhanced her handiwork.

 WT1 is quite pleased with her artwork and is beaming at me while I unbuckle her and scoop her out of her chair.  Immediately I discover she has scored a direct hit.  No warning, no hints, nary a clue.  For the sake of the weak stomached I’ll make this brief.  She has had the “blowout of the century.”  Let’s just say that her top (with the mini-chip pancake décor) and bottom matched.

 I head for the bathroom and sound the general alarm.  It’s all hands on deck for this one.  “Charis, get her some new clothes.” “Gabriel, get the baby soap,” “Daniel, get a washcloth and towel.”  Now apparently my eldest is “towel challenged” as I get this response, “So a washcloth and what kind of towel?”  “A towel to wipe off Kara, I’m giving her a bath.”  “So you need a hand towel?”  “No, a bath towel, I’m giving her a bath.”  As I am having this conversation with my eldest who is upstairs, I am talking irrationally to Kara.  I say things like, “Please don’t sit down.”  “No, don’t touch.”  At the same time, Gabriel walks in with Micah to show me that they are “hat twins” as both are wearing hats.  Cute, but now Micah is fighting to get down as he sees that Kara is doing something that involves being naked and water.  Now I’m trying to get Micah out and keep Kara in.  Charis comes with clothes that are a bit small for Kara, and Daniel comes in with a washcloth…and a hand towel. 

 The laundry is mounting at this point as more towels are needed to wipe the floor from tsunami Kara.  And there are her clothes which I considered burning at this point.  

 Just as I am finishing with her there is a knock on the door.  It’s neighbor Joe to borrow the lawnmower so he can mow our common strip of lawn.  We like neighbor Joe so I slip outside briefly to chat with him.  A loud thump comes from inside the house.  I excuse myself to investigate and am relieved that the WTs  must have just slammed the shoe bench.  They are now standing on the shoe bench playing “strobe light” as they can reach the light switches.

 With all the kids done eating, the 3 OOs are ready to do their Saturday chores (I win the “mean mom” award as my kids have no knowledge of Saturday morning cartoons, instead they do extra chores).  One of the chores is vacuuming.  Ah, now it is later and the cereal must be picked up (it could be vacuumed, but Hoover Kara will make good use of the cereal later).  Cereal and many toys are picked up.  I go into the kitchen and pour myself a bowl of cereal at last.  The vacuum cleaner gets turned on and Kara comes careening around the corner.  Oh yes, that’s right, she is scared of the vacuum cleaner.  That’s okay; I can try to eat one-handed.  That plan is thwarted as Micah runs over and pleads, “Too? Too?” (as in, “Hold me too?”).  I pick him up (I think I heard my back groan) and take the two of them into the other room.

 With one room finished, I note that it is now nap time (theirs not mine, much to my disappointment).  I change both diapers (uneventful, thankfully) and take Kara up first.  As I come down I see Micah walking away and notice a spot of something that looks like chocolate on the back of his shirt.  I do the smell test.  The smell test fails.  More laundry.

 I change Micah and put him down for a nap.  Since I am already upstairs I figure I might as well collect more laundry and do a load.  I also might as well take my shower.  As for breakfast, why eat breakfast and ruin my appetite for lunch?  Which will come…hopefully…