Short and quick (like the twins)

It's late, I'm tired, this is going to be short and quick.

This morning the twins and I went for a walk (I walked, they rode in their double stroller chariot) with my friend Pam and her doggie. And because this is me and I had the WTs, something had to happen. The stroller broke. Thankfully we were close to our destination when it happened. I was crossing the street, hit the little curb thing to get onto the sidewalk, and crack! One of the front wheels broke inward. This particular wheel had been repaired before, so it was already weakened.

Pam two-wheeled the stroller back while I had a twin in each hand. That was slow going. Micah wanted to stop constantly, and Kara was flipping out because Pam was taking her beloved mode of transportation away (When we were in China, she'd cry when we took her out of the stroller. We would call it the "empress' chariot.")

After the traumatic walk, I took the WTs to the grocery store (you're right, I am not a bright person). I loaded the WTs into one of those "cool carts" which is a cart attached to a plastic car. I don't know what the turning radius is on that thing, but maneuvering it was like taking the Suburban through an obstacle course designed for a VW bug.

I thought I'd try to be considerate to my fellow shoppers by keeping the Behemoth as far to the right as possible, making it easy to pass us. What I didn't think about was that it also put all the merchandise within arm's length of the WTs. Thank God (literally) we were not by glass bottles when I discovered this. I looked down and saw that Micah had piled an assortment of plastic containers into the car. A little while later, I caught sight of something flying through the air. It was Micah's shoes. Kara had removed her socks and shoes, but had been kind enough to just drop them out of the car instead of launch them. I cut the shopping trip short.

I let the WTs play outside. They found water and rocks mixed together. When I discovered them, Kara was shoeless, sockless, pantless, and carrying a load. I cut their outside play short.

Micah is into head butting. It hurts.

Micah played post office today by "mailing" three DVDs into the DVD player. I found them stuck underneath the drawer.

Micah loves playing "recycling truck" and "garbage truck." He decided to get realistic by dumping out our garbage can onto the carpet.

This time home alone with the twins...not so short and quick.

Home alone with the WTs

Are you amazed that I am blogging so often? I have a little bit of extra time for the next few days as the 3OS are on a ski trip with their Dad. So I'm home alone with the WTs. This is quite an adjustment as it has been a long time since I've had just two toddlers. And they were not wonder twins. With whom I'm all alone. Me and them.

I decided to do something every day with the WTs to pass the time. Today we went to Pump-it-Up with my friend Rebecca and her daughter. Pump-it-Up is basically a warehouse that contains a number of inflatable jumpy houses and play structures. The WTs had a great time, especially on the 17 ft. slide. Micah would climb to the top, scream at the top of his lungs like a girl, and then say, "One...two....one-two!" Then down the slide he'd fly. It was amazing to watch Kara scrambling around, looking like a future rock climber. I kept thinking that this is the same girl who six months ago could barely walk, and when she did, looked like a drunken sailor.

After Pump-it-Up, I took the twins to the store to buy a microwave. Yes, we were still without one, and I was tired of living in the stone ages. The twins did well at the store. Okay, "well" is a relative term. So a few things got thrown out of the cart, and boxes were being opened by teeth, but we left with everyone's limbs intact and Mom's sanity mostly there. Hey, we left with a microwave!

I had to hold myself back from building an altar in front of that wonder machine. I've been reheating leftovers in the oven for the last few months, so using the microwave was like putting my food in a time machine. The WTs thought it was a new television or something. When the light would come on, and they could see the food twirling around, they would burst out in laughter.

This mirth continued during dinner...at the expense of their mother. The WTs were eating their dinner, and I was cutting more veggies (Kara is a veggie addict). When I came to the table, Kara was without her fork. When I asked her where her fork was, she showed me her hand and said, "hand." Uh huh, she knows what a fork is. She's trying to throw me off the trail. I ask again where her fork is and she puts her hands up and says, "Fork. Go?" I tell her, "You're the one who should know where your fork went. Where is it?" "There," she says, pointing to the floor. It is not there. Micah gets in on the act. "There," he says, pointing to a different spot on the floor. No fork. Kara reaches behind her back, so I think that she put her fork behind her. I reach behind, feel underneath her, and finally pull her out of her chair to see if it's under her. It is nowhere to be found! I am positively flummoxed by this point (isn't that a great word?).

I give up, thinking that Kara might have flung the fork somewhere. I assume I'll find it sometime before the WTs go to college. I sit down to eat my dinner, and that's when the victory chant began. It went something like this:

Micah: "Sopo do chachi do"

Kara: "Bada" (accompanied by a fist pump, no kidding)

Micah: "Nobo dado sasey"

Kara: "Bada" (accompanied by another fist pump)

Here is the translation:

Micah: "Hail Wonder twin power, we have triumphed over the one who oppresses us."

Kara: "Hail Wonder twin power!" (fist pump)

Micah: "We have conquered, we the magnificent, the sublime."

Kara: "Hail Wonder twin power!" (fist pump).

Yes, they had gotten me. I did eventually find the missing fork. When I took Micah out of his high chair after dinner, there was the fork. Somehow Kara had "passed" the fork across the table to Micah, who then decided to put it under that chunky monkey rear of his.

BTW, my wonder machine has to be returned. It decided to run itself. It had a mind of its own. Just like two other beings in this household.

Here are the victors:

It sounds like a blog-worthy day

"It sounds like a blog-worthy day." That's what my husband said as I described my day. I have a lot of those, but do not blog as often. This is because by the time my blog-worthy day is over, I'm so tired that I fall asleep at the computer trying to type about my day. Uh, kind of like I almost just did.

To help move this along, I'm going to write this blog entry as a "Dick and Jane" story (you know, those books we read long long ago). We'll call it, "Run, Mommy, Run." Let's begin.

(Full disclosure: I fell asleep at this point. I am continuing almost two weeks later from where I began.)

The sibes are at piano lessons.

"Fun, fun, fun" say the twins. "We will make Mommy run."

Uh oh, Micah has a red pen. Micah bites the pen.

Run, Mommy, Run! Get the pen!

Oh no, red ink is on the beige carpet!

Spray, Mommy, spray. Spray cleaner on the carpet.

Run, Mommy, run! The twins are in the dishwasher.

Down, Kara, down, do not stand on the dishwasher door.

Run, Mommy, run! Micah is getting the carpet cleaner.

Blot, Mommy, blot, get back to the stains. Stains turn pink.

"Clink, clink" Mommy hears.

Run, Mommy, run, Micah has two glasses from the dishwasher.

Micah is making music. He is clinking the glasses together.

Mommy stops the music.

Run, Mommy, run, Micah is getting the spray bottle you left on the floor!

Duh, Mommy, duh, do not leave spray bottles where twins can get them.

Run, Mommy, run, the twins have spilled a full cup of water on the floor.

Splash, splash, go the twins.

Wipe, Mommy, wipe, before twins fall down.

Slip, Kara, boom, Kara slips on the floor goes boom.

Run, Mommy, run, Micah tries to go out the front door.

No, Micah, no, do not try to escape.

Mommy looks at the clock. She wonders if it is bedtime yet.

No, Mommy, no, it is only 2pm.

Sigh, Mommy, sighs. Seven more hours to go.

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So tell me, would you be brave enough to go against these two????

By the way, I love reading your comments!

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This was the scene I came upon when I had the audacity to take a quick trip to the bathroom. I did not know what they had gotten into, and at first glance I thought we were having an ant infestation.

Upon further investigation, coupled with the behavior that accompanied my unnanounced presence, I realized what was covering the floor.

Yes, they had attacked and prevailed over the bulk bag of chocolate chips that had been sitting undisturbed on the kitchen table. Of course once they saw me, they began furiously scooping handfuls of chips and consuming them. That's why you see chocolate oozing out of the male WTs mouth. And like any mom worth her salt, my first inclination was to grab the camera. Welcome to my world people.

My day in bullet points

• Get to church by 9:30, with kids – frenetic
• Lead Bible study while someone else is on twin duty – Ahhhhhhhhh
• Run to get pizza for lunch meeting – Wait for pizza advertised as “hot and ready”
• Lunch meeting with WTs present – Interruptions galore, one WT’s diaper goes atomic
• Get home, twins take very short nap – Cruel and unusual punishment
• Get Kara from nap. Kara is sitting on a desk with brown stuff on her hand. She’s crying about it. The nerve! – Bath with lots and lots of soap
• Warm up leftovers for dinner – Pioneer days again, still no microwave. Takes many minutes.
• Catch Micah at DVD player trying to close player with three DVDs stacked on top of each other – I think I took flight to get there before the drawer closed.
• While I am lecturing Micah (who only looks like he’s listening, but is strategizing his next move), Charis comes in to announce that Kara is missing her pants. I tell her not to interrupt unless, AS IF, Kara is doing something outlandish like taking off her diaper (which she has never done before). Charis says (with a rather satisfied grin), “Well, she is.” I run into the next room and think I’m back in Beijing. Bare baby bottom! I sweep her up and take her to the bathroom to Americanize her.
• I finish up with Kara, walk into the kitchen and see that Micah has…okay I have to be honest here. This happened a week ago and I really can’t recall exactly what Micah did. This is because Micah and Kara have done SO MANY OTHER THINGS since then. I do know that whatever happened involved a really big mess with food, and Micah having the audacity to say “Oh no,” and put his marshmallowy hands on the squishy cheeks on either side of that cherubic face. This particular maneuver is really unfair as it’s hard to deliver a serious “No No” when you’re suppressing a laugh.
• Somehow the day ends with everyone intact. I think my head might have touched the pillow before I fell asleep. I just don’t remember. After all, it was a week ago.

Sunday – A Day of Rest…for whom??????

Well, I guess I am guilty of false advertisement. This blog entry is not about “What is heard in our household.” I figured I would write about one Sunday while it was fresh in my mind. Now here it is, almost two weeks later, getting staler by the day.

Let me preface my comments by saying that I am a firm believer in the veracity of Scripture. I believe every word of it is true. I also believe that there are things in the Bible which are yet to come to pass (like the world getting destroyed, stuff like that). For me, the Sabbath being a day of rest is one of those things.

The Sunday before last James was working, so I had to get the Froisland zoo on the move solo parentis. This is not a new thing for me, actually 2/3 of the time I am marshalling the troops alone. It’s just that some Sundays go smoother than others. This was not one of those Sundays.

The day started with the WTs rising for the day simultaneously. Kara announces she’s awake by calling out , “Mom! Dad!” until someone comes to get her (or until she rouses her sleepy sister with whom she shares a room). Micah starts the day yelling. I don’t know what he’s yelling, maybe he’s complaining about the conditions in his crib. Maybe he’s reciting the preamble to the Constitution. Whatever the case, he yells.

When the twins rise at the same time, it always causes difficulties in trying to get them downstairs. Suddenly every bedroom door becomes a revolving door. I’ll get one WT out of one room only to have to get another WT out of another room, and so on. Eventually I’m able to herd them downstairs, usually by bribing them with something (like chocolate Cheerios).

Unfortunately I did not get myself ready before the twins arose, which is my usual practice. So while the kids were eating breakfast (and the twins were restrained in their high chairs) I ran upstairs to get ready. When I was done, I came downstairs and instantly the words from one of my favorite kids’ books, “Five Minutes’ Peace” came to mind: “The children were having breakfast. It was not a pretty sight.” Clearly the shower I was in completely buffered any effects I would have felt when the hurricane, which had to account for the mess, ripped through my house. An entire box of Kix had been emptied onto the table and was on the floor. That was done by male WT who had been released from captivity by one of the 3OS. Female WT had shown her Frisbee throwing techniques by launching her bowl of cereal across the room (this was the first time the WTs had milk in their cereal, clearly it was much too exciting for Kara).

I stood there with mouth agape while the 3OS explained to me what had happened. I told them it was time to go and we’d (translated: “I”) would have to clean it up later. Now usually the 3OS can help me out when we’re trying to get out the door. I’ll dress one WT and hand him/her over to an OS to get shoes on. Not this day, as they all disappeared. Daniel had to lace his new shoes, Charis was struggling to get tights on, and Gabriel, well, I’m not sure exactly what he was doing, but he was probably going sock hunting. I got the WTs ready, the 3OS were ready, all I had to do was get on my shoes….the ones I left by the door…that were now gone. I looked down at my little Chinese Imelda Marcos shoe thief who I just knew walked off with my shoes. I’m not getting any info from her, she’s not admitting anything. I do a few laps around the house and finally find a matching pair.

We actually got to church on time (wow!) and had a wonderful service. When I went to pick up the twins, I had a good report, all was well. And then it was like someone whispered into the WTs’ ears that they were now officially pastor’s kids and should act accordingly. So they did. Pencils were being taken out of the backs of chairs, cookies were being swiped off the refreshment table, and worst of all, WTs were storming the stage. I was talking to a friend when I looked up and there were the WTs gleefully walking across the stage. The stage with very expensive musical instruments. The kind that can get knocked over by crazy toddlers. So I did something I have forbidden my children to do – I ran in church. Now to their credit, I will say that the WTs did stay inside like they are supposed to do. The male WT saved the going outside for last Sunday when he snuck out and played in the mud.

Once we got home I thought that lunch would be really quick as I just had leftovers to warm up. I had forgotten about the morning’s mess until I walked into the kitchen and saw Kara throwing cereal dust in the air like pixie dust. She didn’t fly, but I did pluck her off the chair so I could clean up the mess. Once I got that cleaned up, I started on lunch. Then it dawned on me, I had no microwave oven! Our built in microwave went out some time ago, so we were using an old one we had in the garage. That one went out too ( in a rather spectacular way at that). So I had to play “pioneer days” and warm up our leftovers in the oven. About 20-30 minutes later the food was ready. By that time the WTs were very hungry and very cranky and I pretty much walked with one on each leg.

I don’t really remember what happened after that, other than getting naps for the WTs in and going back to church that night. What I do know and am sure of, is that we were a tremendous blessing to people (especially moms) that day. How can I make such a boastful claim? Well, I think it is a safe bet that, as I was running across the church to retrieve wayward toddlers, many people raised their voices to Heaven and thanked God that they were not me! (And just for the record, being me is pretty okay sometimes :) )

Teepee, tent, and twins

Don’t be misled by the title. I did not take my toddlers to vandalize someone’s house, nor did I take them camping…yet. That’s this summer. Pray for us. Now.

The 3OS were playing outside (Actually they were digging a series of tunnels..for defense…should someone attack us while we are all in the backyard…in the winter. They were even making “dirt balls” to throw at unsuspecting trespassers. I guess it shows that they really enjoyed our study of WWI and trench warfare.) and I didn’t want the WTs out there (sounded like a trip to the emergency room to me). I had this bright idea to entertain the twins by putting up a play teepee. The kids on the box seemed to be having a great time, so I was sure the twins would enjoy it.

The teepee also comes with a tent. Both use poles. I brought the box downstairs and thought I could quietly put it together while the WTs were busy in the other room. I think they can smell fear. As soon as I had emptied the bag of poles out to try to figure out which belonged to the teepee, the WTs came charging in with a purpose. And we all know what that purpose was – torture the momma.

My first challenge was to keep the poles in one place. One of the WTs would grab one and run off. As soon as I caught up with one, the other was tearing off in the other direction with another. I finally got the poles in a pile and was trying to sort them. You put the poles together like “real” tent poles (they have the string in them). Well wouldn’t you know, the WTs figured out how to put them together. While I had my back turned reading the directions, they put a few poles together. If you heard the sounds, “Whack, whack, ow, whack, whack, ow,” that was me getting whacked in the head by the WTs.

Once I disarmed them, I began construction. Yup, me and my teepee. Nice idea, but it turns out I was missing one incy wincey piece that was rather crucial to the teepee’s well being. So it was ta-tah teepee and hello tent.

This time I made sure all the pieces were there before I tried to put the tent together. I found the right poles and tried to put them into the tent when Kara decided to plant her person right in the middle of the tent. I asked her to move over and she complied by moving her skinny little hindquarters about a fraction of an inch. I got up to help her move to another location and without missing a beat, Micah grabbed the tent and pulled it over his head with a very triumphant laugh.

After some more baby wrangling, I finally got the tent up and presented it with a flourish to the twins. Preparing myself for hours of fun and frolicking, I stood there and watched as the WTs scrambled in and flipped the tent over. Uproarious laughter ensued as I found myself staring at the bottom of the tent. I tried to upright it only to have it flipped again. More laughter which I think was aimed at me. Even the zhu zhu hamster toy started chortling, mocking me. In the end, I had to dismantle the tent because all the flipping caused the poles to bend into unnatural angles. I’ve decided that the WTs have a future as product testers. I figure if a product can survive the WTs, it can survive anything.