My day in bullet points

• Get to church by 9:30, with kids – frenetic
• Lead Bible study while someone else is on twin duty – Ahhhhhhhhh
• Run to get pizza for lunch meeting – Wait for pizza advertised as “hot and ready”
• Lunch meeting with WTs present – Interruptions galore, one WT’s diaper goes atomic
• Get home, twins take very short nap – Cruel and unusual punishment
• Get Kara from nap. Kara is sitting on a desk with brown stuff on her hand. She’s crying about it. The nerve! – Bath with lots and lots of soap
• Warm up leftovers for dinner – Pioneer days again, still no microwave. Takes many minutes.
• Catch Micah at DVD player trying to close player with three DVDs stacked on top of each other – I think I took flight to get there before the drawer closed.
• While I am lecturing Micah (who only looks like he’s listening, but is strategizing his next move), Charis comes in to announce that Kara is missing her pants. I tell her not to interrupt unless, AS IF, Kara is doing something outlandish like taking off her diaper (which she has never done before). Charis says (with a rather satisfied grin), “Well, she is.” I run into the next room and think I’m back in Beijing. Bare baby bottom! I sweep her up and take her to the bathroom to Americanize her.
• I finish up with Kara, walk into the kitchen and see that Micah has…okay I have to be honest here. This happened a week ago and I really can’t recall exactly what Micah did. This is because Micah and Kara have done SO MANY OTHER THINGS since then. I do know that whatever happened involved a really big mess with food, and Micah having the audacity to say “Oh no,” and put his marshmallowy hands on the squishy cheeks on either side of that cherubic face. This particular maneuver is really unfair as it’s hard to deliver a serious “No No” when you’re suppressing a laugh.
• Somehow the day ends with everyone intact. I think my head might have touched the pillow before I fell asleep. I just don’t remember. After all, it was a week ago.

Sunday – A Day of Rest…for whom??????

Well, I guess I am guilty of false advertisement. This blog entry is not about “What is heard in our household.” I figured I would write about one Sunday while it was fresh in my mind. Now here it is, almost two weeks later, getting staler by the day.

Let me preface my comments by saying that I am a firm believer in the veracity of Scripture. I believe every word of it is true. I also believe that there are things in the Bible which are yet to come to pass (like the world getting destroyed, stuff like that). For me, the Sabbath being a day of rest is one of those things.

The Sunday before last James was working, so I had to get the Froisland zoo on the move solo parentis. This is not a new thing for me, actually 2/3 of the time I am marshalling the troops alone. It’s just that some Sundays go smoother than others. This was not one of those Sundays.

The day started with the WTs rising for the day simultaneously. Kara announces she’s awake by calling out , “Mom! Dad!” until someone comes to get her (or until she rouses her sleepy sister with whom she shares a room). Micah starts the day yelling. I don’t know what he’s yelling, maybe he’s complaining about the conditions in his crib. Maybe he’s reciting the preamble to the Constitution. Whatever the case, he yells.

When the twins rise at the same time, it always causes difficulties in trying to get them downstairs. Suddenly every bedroom door becomes a revolving door. I’ll get one WT out of one room only to have to get another WT out of another room, and so on. Eventually I’m able to herd them downstairs, usually by bribing them with something (like chocolate Cheerios).

Unfortunately I did not get myself ready before the twins arose, which is my usual practice. So while the kids were eating breakfast (and the twins were restrained in their high chairs) I ran upstairs to get ready. When I was done, I came downstairs and instantly the words from one of my favorite kids’ books, “Five Minutes’ Peace” came to mind: “The children were having breakfast. It was not a pretty sight.” Clearly the shower I was in completely buffered any effects I would have felt when the hurricane, which had to account for the mess, ripped through my house. An entire box of Kix had been emptied onto the table and was on the floor. That was done by male WT who had been released from captivity by one of the 3OS. Female WT had shown her Frisbee throwing techniques by launching her bowl of cereal across the room (this was the first time the WTs had milk in their cereal, clearly it was much too exciting for Kara).

I stood there with mouth agape while the 3OS explained to me what had happened. I told them it was time to go and we’d (translated: “I”) would have to clean it up later. Now usually the 3OS can help me out when we’re trying to get out the door. I’ll dress one WT and hand him/her over to an OS to get shoes on. Not this day, as they all disappeared. Daniel had to lace his new shoes, Charis was struggling to get tights on, and Gabriel, well, I’m not sure exactly what he was doing, but he was probably going sock hunting. I got the WTs ready, the 3OS were ready, all I had to do was get on my shoes….the ones I left by the door…that were now gone. I looked down at my little Chinese Imelda Marcos shoe thief who I just knew walked off with my shoes. I’m not getting any info from her, she’s not admitting anything. I do a few laps around the house and finally find a matching pair.

We actually got to church on time (wow!) and had a wonderful service. When I went to pick up the twins, I had a good report, all was well. And then it was like someone whispered into the WTs’ ears that they were now officially pastor’s kids and should act accordingly. So they did. Pencils were being taken out of the backs of chairs, cookies were being swiped off the refreshment table, and worst of all, WTs were storming the stage. I was talking to a friend when I looked up and there were the WTs gleefully walking across the stage. The stage with very expensive musical instruments. The kind that can get knocked over by crazy toddlers. So I did something I have forbidden my children to do – I ran in church. Now to their credit, I will say that the WTs did stay inside like they are supposed to do. The male WT saved the going outside for last Sunday when he snuck out and played in the mud.

Once we got home I thought that lunch would be really quick as I just had leftovers to warm up. I had forgotten about the morning’s mess until I walked into the kitchen and saw Kara throwing cereal dust in the air like pixie dust. She didn’t fly, but I did pluck her off the chair so I could clean up the mess. Once I got that cleaned up, I started on lunch. Then it dawned on me, I had no microwave oven! Our built in microwave went out some time ago, so we were using an old one we had in the garage. That one went out too ( in a rather spectacular way at that). So I had to play “pioneer days” and warm up our leftovers in the oven. About 20-30 minutes later the food was ready. By that time the WTs were very hungry and very cranky and I pretty much walked with one on each leg.

I don’t really remember what happened after that, other than getting naps for the WTs in and going back to church that night. What I do know and am sure of, is that we were a tremendous blessing to people (especially moms) that day. How can I make such a boastful claim? Well, I think it is a safe bet that, as I was running across the church to retrieve wayward toddlers, many people raised their voices to Heaven and thanked God that they were not me! (And just for the record, being me is pretty okay sometimes :) )

Teepee, tent, and twins

Don’t be misled by the title. I did not take my toddlers to vandalize someone’s house, nor did I take them camping…yet. That’s this summer. Pray for us. Now.

The 3OS were playing outside (Actually they were digging a series of tunnels..for defense…should someone attack us while we are all in the backyard…in the winter. They were even making “dirt balls” to throw at unsuspecting trespassers. I guess it shows that they really enjoyed our study of WWI and trench warfare.) and I didn’t want the WTs out there (sounded like a trip to the emergency room to me). I had this bright idea to entertain the twins by putting up a play teepee. The kids on the box seemed to be having a great time, so I was sure the twins would enjoy it.

The teepee also comes with a tent. Both use poles. I brought the box downstairs and thought I could quietly put it together while the WTs were busy in the other room. I think they can smell fear. As soon as I had emptied the bag of poles out to try to figure out which belonged to the teepee, the WTs came charging in with a purpose. And we all know what that purpose was – torture the momma.

My first challenge was to keep the poles in one place. One of the WTs would grab one and run off. As soon as I caught up with one, the other was tearing off in the other direction with another. I finally got the poles in a pile and was trying to sort them. You put the poles together like “real” tent poles (they have the string in them). Well wouldn’t you know, the WTs figured out how to put them together. While I had my back turned reading the directions, they put a few poles together. If you heard the sounds, “Whack, whack, ow, whack, whack, ow,” that was me getting whacked in the head by the WTs.

Once I disarmed them, I began construction. Yup, me and my teepee. Nice idea, but it turns out I was missing one incy wincey piece that was rather crucial to the teepee’s well being. So it was ta-tah teepee and hello tent.

This time I made sure all the pieces were there before I tried to put the tent together. I found the right poles and tried to put them into the tent when Kara decided to plant her person right in the middle of the tent. I asked her to move over and she complied by moving her skinny little hindquarters about a fraction of an inch. I got up to help her move to another location and without missing a beat, Micah grabbed the tent and pulled it over his head with a very triumphant laugh.

After some more baby wrangling, I finally got the tent up and presented it with a flourish to the twins. Preparing myself for hours of fun and frolicking, I stood there and watched as the WTs scrambled in and flipped the tent over. Uproarious laughter ensued as I found myself staring at the bottom of the tent. I tried to upright it only to have it flipped again. More laughter which I think was aimed at me. Even the zhu zhu hamster toy started chortling, mocking me. In the end, I had to dismantle the tent because all the flipping caused the poles to bend into unnatural angles. I’ve decided that the WTs have a future as product testers. I figure if a product can survive the WTs, it can survive anything.

Online shopping with WTs and the funny thing about tissues

I thought I might get some online shopping done while the WTs (wonder twins for you newbies) were still conscious.  The three OS (older siblings for those of you have forgotten) were with the dad.  I know you’re all saying, “Are you kidding? You thought you’d get something done with the WTs  at full power?”  Yeah well, I was in my happy place when I had the idea…a little state I call DENIAL. 

 First off, let me say that it would have gone a lot more smoothly if my online shopping experience hadn’t been like an Abbott and Costello “Who’s on First?”  routine.  To the shopping cart, back to the homepage, to the shopping cart, etc.

 I thought I was off to a good start – twins were fed and watered and well rested, toys enough to rival FAO Shwartz.  What more could they want?

 I stationed myself with the laptop at the kitchen table so I’d be close to whatever action would transpire.  The first action took place right where I was.  One little hand reached up to grab a full cup of water that one of the OS had left behind.  There it went, spilling on the table (thankfully away from the laptop) and cascading onto the floor (okay that was a wee bit dramatic…maybe it just ran down onto the floor), forming a nice little puddle in which the WTs could stomp.  As I cleaned up the water spill, one of the WTs got a hold of a box of goldfish and did a gravity experiment.  Hmm, if I hold the box upside down and shake really hard (even harder when I see my mom lunging for me) it rains goldfish!

With the goldfish and the water cleaned up, I resumed my date with Amazon.  The WTs had wandered into the other room which I thought was great.  It was lovely, it was so quiet and…wait a minute, why is it quiet???? When I went to investigate, I saw the two of them tearing through Daniel’s school box.  It had all the contraband items: pencils, crayons, scissors, etc.  I could see that Micah had already been hard at work on his wall of many colors.  Oh, have I not blogged about that yet? Oh yeah, I only blog about once a year!  You see, Micah has this magical ability to find any writing implements, particularly markers, that have been left behind.  As soon as we think we have removed all the markers from his reach, he finds a rogue marker.  Fulfilling his creative desires, he goes to one spot on one wall and makes lines with said marker.  Sometimes the marker can be removed (though I discovered that even washable markers make the paint come off when you clean the markings), other times it cannot.  This time he did not use a marker, but branched out into another medium: pencil sketching.

 I picked up the items from Daniel’s box (with the WTs help, they enjoy picking things up almost as much as dumping things out) and went back to the laptop.  The WTs would wander through, and I would just make a mental note of where they were.  I glanced up one time to see Kara walking around with no pants.  When I found her pants it was a signal to Kara that a game was afoot.  She shrieked with laughter at the sight of me with her pants and tore off in the opposite direction.  Believe you me, this is not the same child who just months ago had the drunken sailor walk.  She takes off at warp speed when she is being pursued.

 Okay, children are fully clothed, back to the computer.  I was making good headway and must have been concentrating a bit too hard on what I was doing.  I knew the WTs were in the family room and that they were having a grand time doing something.  Like silence, the eruption of giggles is also like a warning siren.  I glanced up from the computer to watch the WTs orchestrate a new gymnastic maneuver.  They would climb onto an end table, flip over onto the couch, run across the couch and roll off in an impressive dismount.  There are times in which I wish I could pretend I did not see things, this was one of them.  But it is my job to be a killjoy, so I put their acrobatic careers on hold.

 After all that exercise, the WTs wanted a snack.  They love to sit at the kitchen table on the “big chairs”, which they are allowed to do from time to time.  Since they were just having a snack, I sat each one in a chair with a cup of, well, goldfish.  Each was grinning from ear to ear and seemed very content.  Micah began to scan the table and spotted a ziplock bag of cereal.  He grabbed it and began to shake it.  I wasn’t too concerned; the bag was sealed after all.  Well, don’t you know, a well sealed bag is a lot like a balloon.  If you squeeze it really hard, it pops.  And when this bag popped, it rained cereal.  This of course thrilled the WTs who instantly went to work speading the cereal crumbs (the cereal became crumbs after all that shaking) as far and wide as they could.  I sighed, closed the laptop, cleaned the spill, and sat down with a WT on each leg and read books.  I can’t prove it, but that might have just been their plan all along.

 On a different subject, I made a discovery about tissues (Kleenex for those of you into name brands).  I walked in on the WTs one day to find Kara in a sea of tissues.  She looked rather angelic, as though she were sitting on a fluffy cloud.  As always, once the WTs see me, they know the jig is up and will go into high gear.  Kara began furiously ripping the tissue to shreds.  Micah was standing on the couch and began to throw tissues behind the couch, presumably to hide the evidence.  As I approached him, he clambered down, grabbed two fistfuls of tissue and ran down the hall looking like he was shaking tissue pom-poms.  When I gathered all that remained intact, I made my discovery: tissues expand when exposed to air.  Do you know how I know? When I tried to put the tissue back into the box, it wouldn’t all fit!  I could only conclude that when they are taken out of the box they interact with the air and puff out.  Just tell everyone you heard it here first.

 Now on a more “serious” note, people often ask me how Kara is doing with her language.  She is doing wonderfully.  I would list out all the words she knows, but they are too numerous at this point.  She is very good at copying what you say and likes to try out new words.  Her newest acquisition is “a-tood.”  Her brother was having a bad attitude and I told her so as he sat in the corner.  She’d point at him and say “a-tood.”  Somehow I doubt she’ll use that one on herself.

 Happy New Year all!  

 

 

Future Olympic events?

Here are some fun games the WTs play that might become an Olympic sport someday.  I think they rank right up there with curling. 

Diaper Fling – Take diapers out of the drawer (clean ones) and fling them as fast and as far as you can before getting caught.

 Tupperware Toss- Similar to diaper fling, only done with Tupperware lids, or bowls (which are not as easily airborne).

 The Hover- As your twin is getting a diaper change, hover your foot over his/her head to see how much you can irritate him/her.

 Hide and Seek – (WTs have achieved expert status at this one) Hide items from family members by putting items in strange places (ex: remote control in Duplo blocks, CD in drawer with measuring cups, another remote at the bottom of a laundry basket, etc.).

 Shoe Shenanigans – Take shoes from various members of the family.  Wear them around the house.  Make sure that when it is time to leave the house, no family member can find a matching pair of shoes.

 Screaming Game – (Best done in small spaces such as the car) Take turns screaming, trying to be louder than the other person.  When people try and “shush” you, get louder and then laugh heartily.

 Playing Innocent – When Mom is out of the room, open the doors to the Forbidden Pantry.  When Mom comes to investigate, close doors very quickly, put backs against the door.  When Mom walks in, put on your best cheesy grin and look at each other with knowing looks.

 Lock Out (or In) – Since it is much easier to pull doors shut than open them, make sure your WT is on the side of the door that enables you to lock them out or in.  Pull the door shut with the WT on the other side of it.  Make sure to say “Bye-bye” and then walk away.

 Cereal Stomp – Ask for cereal for a snack by walking over to the Forbidden Pantry (FP) and pointing.  Say in your sweetest voice, “See-oh” which your family understands is “cereal.”  As they put some on the coffee table, make sure to eat some to lull them into a false sense of security.  Ask for more.  When the five enforcers in your family are out of sight, sweep all the cereal onto the carpet, stomp on the cereal and enjoy the crunching noise it makes.  When your mom comes in and asks what happened, look down on the carpet, and put your hands behind your back as you examine the floor.  Exclaim, “Uh oh, mess!” as though you have no idea how the crumbs got onto the carpet.

 Distract ‘n Dash – This activity requires a partner.  One of you go into the school room and dump out something that makes noise (to attract attention) and has lots of pieces to it (big box of paper clips, big box of crayons, etc.).  While family members are helping to pick up the mess, have your partner quietly go to the kitchen.  Have him/her dump something edible on the floor (box of cereal, bonus items are containers of chocolate chips or bags of Muddy Buddies).  Run into the kitchen and consume as much as you can before it gets all cleaned up.

 Breach the Barricade – Work together to find the weak links in any barricade that is put up which keeps you away from really great and fun stuff.  See it as a challenge when barricades are put up.  Think that your parents must be encouraging you to use your skills of logic, reason, and brute force to get around, over, or through the barricades.  You are in a homeschooling family, everything is a learning activity.  Use things like play shopping carts to climb into.  This gives you height so you can catapult yourself over barricades.  Once you are on the other side of the barricade, be very quiet.  Of course, the silence does sometimes arouse suspicion.  It’s a calculated risk.

 Crayon Crunch – Any chance you get to get a hold of crayons, take the opportunity to bite the tips off.  Goal: to get as many different colors in your teeth as possible.

 Hug-A-Thon- At a time that is very inconvenient for everyone (like when everyone has just sat down to eat), hold out your arms to a targeted family member and look really cute.  It is a guarantee that the person will get up to give you a hug.  Target another family member.  Make your way around the table, multiple times even.  Okay, in this game, I guess everyone wins. J

 Quote of the Day (from Gabriel in response to my comment that Micah says “pich” for “chips” just like one or more of his siblings did): “Well, the DNA is spreading!”

 To add to my list of things I don’t like to hear: “Uh, Mom? Did Kara have chocolate? She looks like she has some on her hands.” (She had not had chocolate.  You can figure out the rest).

 My new strategy for blogging-more often, less content.  We'll see. :)

Random thoughts and a top 10 list

I could never make money as a blogger.  I keep meaning to update, but time just keeps escaping.  Kara has been home with us for two months now and it is amazing how well she is doing.  If I were left in China by myself, I am sure I would still be saying “Ting bu dong’ two months later!

 

Kara continues to add words to her vocabulary and it is very fun to hear her voice.  When she walks out of a room you are in she will say “Bye bye” and wave, only to reappear soon thereafter.

 

If Kara were an animal she would be a goat.  She eats anything and will butt others (okay just Micah) out of the way when she is grazing, uh I mean eating.  If I put some Cheerios on the coffee table I always spread them out so they can be reached from various angles.  Kara’s favorite angle is the one that has Micah in it.  She reaches for the “Os” in front of him and will do this impressive maneuver with her skinny little hip that sends our little Michelin man running around the table to the opposite side.  And of course she will go to that side to repeat the action.

 

Kara and Micah both love to dance (so do the two oldest, but it’s more like interpretive dance which seems to include a lot of jumping and running maniacally around).  Micah kind of gently bounces and will sometimes go from side to side.  Kara basically does a series of squats.  Sometimes the arms get involved and she used to do a move we called the “ax chop.”  She'd take one arm and use it to chop imaginary wood.  After watching his daughter dance for a while, James commented, “And I thought white people had no rhythm.”

 

I kid you not, there are days that I really wish my kids did not act their ages.

 

The cleanest spot in the house hands down is in the downstairs bathroom.  Kara got to the soap dispenser and managed to dump the contents of it onto the carpet.  It’s a lot of work to get large amounts of soap out of the carpet.  Thank you Lord for the wet van we bought BC (before children).  I thought the price was outrageous then, now I can’t believe what a bargain it was.

 

Having “twins” makes you ambidextrous.  When it’s just me and I’m not having the kids help with feeding, I put a twin on either side of me and sometimes feed them simultaneously.  I’m thinking of entering “America’s Got Talent.” 

 

My oldest son was walking around with my tennis shoes on…and they fit him perfectly.

 

Here’s a top 10 list:

 

Top 10 things you do not like to hear when you have Wets

 

10.  The phone being dialed when all responsible people are present and accounted for

9.     The sound of something falling to the floor that contains many many pieces

8.     Water being splashed on the kitchen floor and then being played with

7.     “Mom, look who got to the Dragon plant” (the perpetrator was walking around with an empty pot, the carpet was holding the former contents)

6.    “One of the twins is toxic!”

5.    Piano keys being played by chubby little sausage toes attached to feet which are standing on the piano

4.   Water splashing inside the toilet being treated like a play water table

3.   The phrase “uh oh” being uttered by one of the WTs

2.  “Look Mom! Kara looks like a Christmas tree.  She’s decorating her hair with her food!”

1.  The number one things you do not want to hear when you have WTs…………

            Silence!!!!!! (because other sounds will follow!)

 

 

 

 

 

The city of lost things

This came to me while I was making dinner...and wondering where our digital camera is...enjoy.

I am looking for the city
The city of lost things
That houses all the items
Each wayward toddler brings

I know it must be far away
Because I've searched for it in vain
Each attempt to find this distant land
Has left me a little bit less sane

I imagine that the welcome sign
Reads a little bit like this,
"All important things are welcome here
things the parents are sure to miss."

Here the bill frolics with the keys
And the shoe and the remote play
The digital camera dines with the watch
And the checkbook sings the night away

I fear I will never see this land
For when is passed the toddler stage
And things continue to disappear
I'll have to blame it on my old age!