The empress and the tyrant broker peace deal

I think I found the key to world peace which incidentally is also the world’s most perfect breakfast food: chocolate cheerios. I gave the WTs some CCs as a snack, and put them in opposite corners of the room per my usual strategy. As usual, the earth’s magnetic pull caused them to once again occupy the same square foot of space. I kept a sharp eye on them in case I saw any vampiric (don’t know if that’s a word) tendencies emerging. I was thrilled to see them enjoying each other’s company. It began raining CCs and pretty soon the kitchen floor was covered. Micah began a great game of balancing cheerios on his sister’s head. She didn’t’ seem to mind at all, even when Micah began whacking them off. He thought it was hilarious (I think it was most funny to him when he missed). I got a little concerned when the whacking intensified, but Kara kept laughing. After a while at this game, they both started walking around the kitchen looking like they had some kind of pox with all the cheerios attached to their persons.

I think someone installed a revolving door in place of our front door. One day I had dropped the 3oos off at piano lessons and came home with the WTs. Here was my fundamental flaw: I let them loose. I unlocked the door and corralled one in. Ah, ha, victory is mine; I am halfway to my goal. I scoop the other one up, plop that one in the house, and scan for the other one. Other one has gone through the revolving door behind me. Grab the escapee, place escapee into custody only to find the other made a break for it. The process was repeated four times. By the time we were done it was almost time to pick up the 3oos (slight exaggeration, but it made for a good end line).

Itty bitty Lego pieces (especially when there are at least a hundred of them) are really hard to pick up off of asphalt. How do I know? Before we left to pick up the older boys from an event, Charis decided to use our back bumper as a storage space for her Legos. I reminded her that the Legos were there, but she was too busy involving herself with the goings on of the WTs. We both remembered about the Legos when we heard a big crash as we were driving down the street. Yes, the street and the Legos had a hasty introduction. Thankfully the street is not a busy one, so picking the itty bitty Legos out of the itty bitty cracks and crevices of the street was not as dangerous as it could have been. AS dangerous, that is.

I had a revelation the other day, but before I reveal my epiphany let me go back……I was in the kitchen chopping almonds for a salad (you know how hard those are to come by), when I came under attack. There was a full scale assault on my legs as I was flanked from the left and the right (hey, I watched “Band of Brothers”). Hungry invaders came rushing in, but I held firm in the midst of the onslaught. That was until one of my almonds escaped. Unfortunately I saw it at the same time someone else saw it, and I went for it at the same time a very chubby arm that does not contain a wrist reached out for it (you’ll never guess which WT that is!). That’s when everything went into slow motion. I called out “Nooooooooo Miiiiiiiicaaaaaaaah” as I lunged for the almond (which is a choking hazard, hence the need to reach it before the wristless one did). As I took the step into the lunge, I tripped over the other WT. This is when I entered “The Matrix.” There was nothing for it, I was going down. I could tell there would be casualties if I did not act fast, so as I was going down, I managed to twist my body to avoid both hostiles on the ground. My knee was the first thing to make contact with the ground. Knees don’t come with padding. Then my hip hit. That comes with padding, lots of padding. And in a move to rival anything Koby Bryant might do on the basketball court (and to prove that mommies pumped with adrenalin can do anything), as I hit the floor I extended my arm out and was able to catch in my hand the head of the impediment I tripped and knocked over.

I lay there clutching my knee and my mouth formed the word “medic!” but no sound came out. Now let me say that in the very next room was my older daughter who proved that she is genetically related to my husband as she continued to be engrossed in her book while this melee went on. The WTs for their part were wildly excited about my gymnastic prowess and started laughing and trying to dogpile me (those savages, no mercy).

As I lay there in pain, I had a flashback to another time that I lay in pain (no, I’m not even talking childbirth here). It was the time that child # 3 pinched child #2 and I went to remove child #3 from the area where #1 and #2 were playing. As I scooped up #3, I turned and my right foot fell into a hole. The foot did not turn when the rest of me did, and I went down. I was carrying #3 at the time and, again in slow motion, I turned my body before I fell so I would not fall on her. I saw stars on that one. The price for that was a sprained ankle that took months to heal. I guess I got off easy this time, just a really sore knee that I still can’t kneel on (try giving twins a bath being able to kneel on just one knee, not easy).

But as I was trying to get myself off the floor I had a revelation. I think I saw a white light and these words flooded my mind: Children are hazardous to your health. You think we can get the Surgeon General to post that one?

I do spend most of my time writing about the WTs, because, well they provide a lot of good material. Still, I do have the 3oos so I thought I’d give a quick update on how they are doing with the change in our household. Daniel as the head of the sibling clan is just a really even-keeled kid. He is happy to have yet another minion to add to his collection. Though he loves Kara and helps care for her, Micah is his boy. They have always had a close bond which I hope continues throughout their lives. Daniel informed me the other day that he wants to get married at the same age, on the same day, at the same time as his dad and I did.

Gabriel has met his match in “spasiness.” He and Kara are kindred spirits. He tends to help more with her as she responds well to him (Micah tends to whack him). After we had a conversation about possibly adopting again, I asked him if he thought our quiver was full. He responded with, “Our quiver is as wide as the Great Wall of China.” He’s our poetic one.

Charis flits between her two younger sibs. She is thrilled to have a sister and asked that she and Kara share a room. She said, “Even though she’s just a baby, I don’t feel lonely in my room anymore.” She is in her element and gets to do what she enjoys: telling other people what to do.

Well, I am trying to post every week, but well, you know. This particular post has been crafted over a week’s time on Microsoft word and imported into the blog. I’m pooped. James worked yesterday and didn’t come home until about 3pm today which means he was gone for about 5,000 hours or so (you know, just rounding up). If I ever meet an always single mom who has five kids and twins among them, I’m going to kiss her feet.


BTW, our social worker visited (story for another blog) and she told me that there is a phenomena called “artificial twinning,” which means that two children aren’t twins from birth but are raised as twins. Well, with artificial twinning comes artificial sanity, it just seems like I’m sane, but I’m really not.